Our zaadz friend SKEYE posted a link to this picture, and I just wanted to show it to you all, because IT'S WONDEFUL!!

What do we hide deep inside ourselves?
What are the TRUE feelings to the actions we do?

If we start to dig inside ourselves, and try to understand.

First it's kinda weird..... then it gets scary, then comes a feeling of surprise and finally we bathe in a truly inner embracing peace.

Why do we eat too much, get brain dead drunk, take heavy drugs, sleep with people we hardly know, feel depressed, drive too fast in danger for ourself and everybody else, cannot sleep at night, constantly argue with our surroundings or do excessively tons of sport?

What is behind all this?
We often don't know since we have never dug down through the mud. It just happens.... We probably don't like it, but it just happens. It's part of life to suffer, it's part of us. Right?  

Why not try to understand those things? Why not try to understand ourselves better?
The solutions aren't to be found outside but inside ourselves (sometimes we just need a push from somebody before we dare going on an internal journey)

"I drink because I'm angry!'
-If you close your eyes and try to feel behind that anger, what do you feel?
"I don't know.... I feel sadness.... I'm afraid"
-just surrender to it, relax and let it go, it'll be alright..
What do you feel behind the sadness?
"I feel..... I feel loneliness...."
-It's ok, let yourself FEEL the loneliness. Take your time, let your body guide you 
What do you feel behind the loneliness?
"I feel..... that I'm everywhere, I'm one with everything, I'm there and I'm here, I can fly"

Let go, let go. Why fight it? Get INTO ourselves, let it go!

Sometimes old forgotten and suppressed feelings come up. They can hurt BIG TIME and we feel violently shaken. That's good! Get it out of your poor cells! Give your body (and yourself) the present to finally be able to FEEL and LET GO of all the deep hidden emotions we tend to carry deep inside our organs.
Everything is OK, WE are ok, ALL feelings are ok, life is WONDERFUL!
 
Give yourself the inner travel and get free from everything which is covering your glow. YOU are wonderful, YOU are beautiful, YOU are a shining and amazing being. YOU have it all. 

Let yourself get down to the source, down to love and light and what we really are. Let yourself become YOU. Get in there, it's ok to freak out, cry, be afraid, feel anger, sadness, shame, disgust, frustration or whatever you might feel just DON'T LINGER ON TO IT. Accept the feelings to be a part of life, a part of you and then LET IT GO!

The wonderful thing is that you don't really have to DO anything. Everything is actually so simple -if we just let them be that way.......

How come it can be so hard to ask for help?
We all need help. We all need help in some areas in life no-matter how hard we work or how amazingly clever we are, then why can it be so difficult to accept help from outside?

Is it a matter of personal pride? Are we afraid of showing a horrible weakness? Is it considered "bad" to ask questions that might give the impression that you are "falling below your standards"?!

Is it always better to do everything yourself? Can we do everything ourselves?
 
No of course we can't.
Then why do we always tend to rant when we are working with somebody else? We NEED that somebody otherwise the work probably wouldn't be done, but we do not really LIKE the "help". 
No matter how fast we run or how high we climb, we probably wouldn't know how to bike if nobody gave us the needed push in the back the very first time.

And what happens when we feel weak and lonely?
A miracle; a friend calls
"how do you feel?"
"I feel fine, everything is alright"

Fat lie.

Is it "bad" to show our weaknesses? Is it "bad" to cry and ask for help when we really need it? Is it unreasonable and dangerous for our self esteem to reach out and grab a hand when we need the strength? When we feel cold; we need the embrace, we need the heat....

Of course it's nice to be able to say "I DID THAT!" and do things ALONE but isn't it even better to be able to share the success with somebody? Stand on the top of the hill and share the stars, the moon, the sunset, the caressing wind, the dancing birds and the singing sweetness of BEING and SHARING with another human wonderful soul like our own?

Maybe, it's the EGO again.... It's the EGO (and our Darwinian selfish genes) telling us that we SHOULD be able to do everyhing OURSELVES and that we don't need anybody from outside DICTATING us to do anything.... OUR ideas will always be the best, since OUR genius neurologic connections and complicated linguistic skills came up with the outcome. Nobody else can know or do anything THAT good, that's obvious!
....

What if we didn't have a "self-esteem" to be afraid of?
What if our personal value would be NOT to feed a social demanding always-hungry-for-more self-esteem? What if the balance of our self worth had nothing to do with continually asking for outer world respect, honor, admiration and grace?

We all need help. You need help. I definitely need help. I wouldn't be able to feel this strong inner light and explosive energy if I didn't have you out there. I need you. We need each-other. We breathe the same air, walk on the same planet and flow in the same universal soup of wonder and awe.  

We are the same, so how come it is still so hard to ask for help?

Today I feel like dancing on an erupted volcano....

Do we instantly know when people need help?

Can we feel the signals, vibrations and energy waves coming towards us, even though the person doesn't want to reveal or say anything? (80% of all communication is non verbal after all).

What about long distance SOS? How come a total stranger can feel the need and longings from another person? Two people who have never met, never exchanged words or any other direct communication, how can they still manage to mysteriously connect? 
What's pulling them together, what hidden force, power or magic wonder glue is strong enough to create these mutual wonders?  

What signals are we sending out? What cosmic telephone is ringing? What alarms are wakening up fellow souls on the other side of the Earth? 

We can feel sad, we can feel miserable and immensely lonely in our little minds with the continually monkey jumping confusing thoughts, strange alien inspired dreams and sudden violent emotionally reactions. We have trapped ourselves in our own selfmade spiral and we cannot see further since our senses are full of dirt from all the doubt, fear and limitations. We are paralyzed from fear for ourselves.... 

Then we forget that we are ALWAYS somehow connected with EVERYBODY ELSE.
Somebody out there will HEAR YOU. Somebody out there is THERE FOR YOU.
You, me, everybody. We all have it!

Be patient, give the person a chance to get to you. Open your heart, be ready. Connect, hug, kiss, embrace, love, receive, share. By helping each other, we help ourselves.
Have you never felt totally wonderful after having made somebody else smile? GIVE energy and you'll receive ten times back.

Stay open, believe, trust, feel, cry, BE there to your feelings, emotions, thoughts and dreams. BE there to YOURSELF and you'll be there for anybody else.

We all need each other. And in whatever situation and time in life, the help will always come somehow. We just need to stay open. Give life a chance. Give yourself the chance to live.

Everything's gonna be alright.

What if this whole universe is made out of cosmic glue?

What if there is a reason why things seem to stick together; why helping hands automatically come to the ones in need, why contrasts attract contrasts, the teacher comes to the waiting student and why people sitting on the opposite sides of the Earth still can find each other and fall in love.

We are in an immense soup of GLUE! Swimming around, fumbling, babbling, bumping, into each other trying hard to understand the philosophy and dimension behind every-darn-thing.

Sometimes it can be great FUN, bubbling around in this weird cosmic substance, not thinking about anything or trying to get anywhere. And other times we get cheated by the oh so delicious and sweet taste and yummy smell so our poor innocent tongues get stuck. That's when we don't listen to our inner voice....
Our hidden goldmine of deep intuition who can guide us through the path towards the light.

Everything sticks together somehow. Of course we don't always get the point when it happens, but I'm sure that there is one.
We can always learn from everything, both from good and not so good things. They all make us richer somehow with new added experiences and thoughts (a very good way to use the bad experiences is to help others).

Everything has a meaning, and everything is wonderful! Let's gluuuue!

20 years I wouldn't let myself cry because I wanted to be an adult. 10 years ago I wouldn't cry because I didn't want anybody to know or see that I could be weak.

Today even a well made comic strip in the weekly newspaper can bring tears to my eyes.

I've turned into one big marshmallow, a real softie, jelly fishy chocolate and strawberry pudding kinda human being.
  
It's strange but I feel so much better today than before.

The feelings and emotions come in waves flowing through my body and I give in to them all. Absolutely no resistance any longer. Niet, nada, nothing. I am what I am, not trying to be anything or anybody else. Not trying to fight any sadness, tears or whatever. Total and complete surrender.

I'm WEAK, and I' strong, I'm happy and I'm sad, I laugh, I cry, scream, sob, giggle, and I say nonsense that somehow has a sense for me. I'm all that and a lot more.

Why are we so afraid of showing our weaknesses? Why are we so afraid of our own tears? Why are we so freaking HARD on ourselves?
 
Are we trying to be Terminator, Super woman, Hulk, Tarzan, Spiderman or whatever else super natural, strong, hyper resistant fake phony non true non realistic man created fiction hero?

How do we become our own number one enemy, telling ourself how to act, do, say, see and NOT to let go and show? What makes us work AGAINST ourselves?

Maybe we should stop hurting ourselves and begin to LOVE, to BE and to LET GO!

Let us all be what we are; weak, strong, human and WONDERFUL!

Isn't life just WONDERFUL, amazing, brilliant, WILD, exciting, vibrating, rushing, high, genius, incredible, CHANGING, surprising, caressing, sweet, joyful, fascinating, awesome, inspiring, motivating and full of SPEED, action and ENERGY!!

Isn't that totally utterly completely IMMENSELY SUPER HYPER GREAT?!!!

It just is.... And I want to CRY, LAUGH, sing, dance, jump, BITE, tease, PLAY, giggle, screeeeeaaaam and FEEL everything (and a lot more) in the SAME TIME!!
 
Ok, ok herbal tea and mantras for me now.... Grrr (o;

Look at this picture, isn't it brilliant? I got a baaad cold from that one lol but it was WORTH IT!!

Have you lovely people out there, ever thought about the IMPACT our words have on us -consciously and unconsciously?

I just read a scientific test of people coming into a room, answering some questions on a paper and then leaving. Simply and easy.
The questions were neutral -no direct negative or positive meanings whatsoever, but IN the chosen words you had words like "old, wrinkled" and "aged". Now, when people left their WALK was completely different, they WALKED and ACTED like old people; shoulders down, slower pace etc
What had happened was that their UNCONSCIOUS mind had picked up the repeated "signals" and now the person acted out the result.

This is wild.....

I know how important out thoughts are on our mental state and health, but I never realized HOW MUCH.

People often tell me that I'm way TOO positive in my way of being, my reactions and writings (which just make me giggle even more) but it's not only about the words we use, but the impact, music, media and other signals we constantly receive from our surroundings.

I once had a huge discussion about this with a friend who totally loves violent video games and screaming loud heavy metal.
We all live the life we desire and do whatever we want. That's our personal choice completely, the only thing I wanted to tell/show my friend was the immense impact those things have on him.
I guess that we don't always know ourselves, and my friend never knew how aggressive he became after playing another "I'll kick and kill you hard" game.
 
CAN we realize how we become?
No, -at least not in the minute, we don't because very often the signals and effects STAY in our unconscious mind.
We just don't know.

I almost never watch TV.... First of all I have so many a lot BETTER things to do + I think it's a complete waste of time, but also because I realized how it made me feel;.... tired, apathetic and weak.

Of course we cannot control our surroundings and we cannot constant bathe in the glory of positive rhymes and poetry, but we CAN do an effort to better use our own words and send out more positive and joyful vibrations and energy.

WE decide HOW we want to talk, write and the conscious impact we create from the experience with out surroundings.  

We CAN change things, that's totally in our own little personal power. One by one, we are getting there, slowly and steady.

I need you, I really do.

x

How can we ever figure out what we really want and desire in life?!!

One minute we want an ice-cream, then a cold wind hits our cheeks and we rather want a hot chocolate. We want stability, security and silence but then we miss the excitement of the danger, speed and explosion.
We want to be able to wake up with the person we love every morning, but then we get annoyed when we cannot go out in town partying with the soccer team friends every night, or leave our smelly socks on the kitchen floor without having somebody to tell us what immensely big pigs we are.

We want sweet and sour, slow and fast, up and down. We want to go to the swimming pool but don't really want to get wet again. We want to go out dancing but standing up all night in high heels hurt our poor little feet. We want to meet the love of our life but then after 23 months of constant roller coaster highs and palpitating firework -the same things we once loved so much, we somehow cannot stand any longer.....

Everything changes, changes and changes!

Our need for whatever kind of emotion, temperature, mood, feeling and energy keeps moving up and down.
We desperately want one thing, we strongly desire another thing, our goal is a third thing, our dreams are full of other pulling needs, our brain is busy calculating what it thinks is best for our body, and just as we think that NOW we finally figured it out, our heart impatiently directs us in the complete opposite direction.

How can we possible know any-darn-thing?! How are we suppose to make any plans at all? 

What do you want in life? 
-I want to be happy
How can you know what will make you happy? 
-Well I know what doesn't make me happy.

Good answer.......

Somebody said to me today; "I wish that everything will go as we planed"
"Well of course it will", I answered.
Why shouldn't it? (should would could).

I guess the goldmine is NOT to stop, not to get stuck in ONE specific mood, routine, feeling, situation, experience, plan, goal, concentration, expression or creation. We cannot know how we will feel with this thing or whatever it is, in the minute after.

I just read one of my earlier blog entries "the Need for Desire". It's true...; we do NEED desire in life.
Ok, that was the easy one; "we need desire in life". We need love, we need joy, we need contrasts, excitement, sadness, ups and downs, back and forth but HOW DO WE KNOW WHAT WE DESIRE?!!

Feel our ways? Go with the stream? Dance in the flow? Jump from cloud to cloud without ever thinking about the risk of falling? Let us go digging in the immense soup, glue, cosmic, akasha, prana, whatever sort of universal substance surrounding us? This thing who somehow manage to keep us together against all possibly odds. We LOOK whole, we even FEEL whole, but is it all just one big illusion?
 
We ARE the vibration, we ARE the energy, the light, the LIFE, we ARE everything around us, we are what we love, what we hate, and everything we know to, we recognize and what we desire.

WE ARE EVERYTHING and we got everything inside us. We are our own desire, we create all those feelings and emotions inside ourselves. Our brains try to follow the pace and keep slowing us down but when we close our eyes we can feel the eternal pulling. Pulling towards what?! I don't know...... I don't know anything at all, I cannot know, I can only feel....  

"To choose not to love is like walking into a desert only to die. To not be able to love is like living in a desert with no water."

I'm a little bit confused about the whole word thing..... About watching out for or be careful with the use of our words.

Ok, I know how important it is to stop thinking, saying and sending out words, signals, feelings, emotions and sounds loaded with negative slow heavy karma (it's an obnoxious circle -we get USE to say certain words -bad or good ones, we don't even think about it) but does that mean that we have to be careful with EVERY spontaneous reaction and sentence we express?

Don't we say that the FIRST impression, first impulse, first feeling, reaction, idea etc is often the BEST and right one?

So if I wrote "An Air of Desperation" title to one of my former posts, then THAT WAS THE RIGHT ONE? (it really was the way I was feeling when I wrote it.... but then -as I said in a commentary, desperation was the main feeling pouring out of the entire post and that REALLY wasn't my intention either).

If I say "she's drop dead gorgeous" or "gosh, I'm stupid", "he could really need a kick in his ..."  or things like "I feel tired", "I have a head ache" or "I'm not good at remembering names" then THAT IS HOW IT'S GOING TO BE?
Do we "control" our future with the words we utter?

Do we really have to be careful in everything we say, constantly, everytime and everywhere?

It's true that from personal experience; I stopped saying whenever I really DO feel tired, have a head ache etc and simply the FACT of NOT giving the problem any attention very often makes it go away by itself.

Strange thing actually....

SO I'm confused....... I'm confused in the fact of giving in to the first felt reactions and impulses or stopping up and think about it.

I guess the answer comes from personal experience. From feeling HOW we react to certain words, feelings and impulses (we are all different after all).

Some things are very much individual and other things are common and universal.

Maybe we shouldn't worry about exactly WHAT words we use but more about the REACTIONS or output we feel, see and sense FROM the words. And then when our conscious mind FINALLY has picked up the rich givings, better feelings, energy fulling ones then that's what we should follow. Is it really THAT simple? (first: shut down the brain and FEEL, and then: turn on the brain again and only use what the feelings selected to be the good ones?!)

Is the answer first to let our feelings guide the path and THEN let mind, body and spirit work together in a beautiful perfect harmony?

Life is wonderful, completely and totally wonderful....

AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Now THAT feels good!! LETTING GO! Let go of it all. Get it out.

Give yourself the chance to receive all the GOOD stuff out there by letting go. Let go of all the complete wasteless, energy taking, grumpy making, sour tasting, head ache giving junk food which is out there only waiting to bite and hold us tight.

Don't let them. Don't ever forget your light. We have it, we ARE light, but to be able to SHINE we need to REMEMBER.

I read something extremely beautiful earlier today about angels.
Angels need us. They need our prayers, trust and love, they need us to BELIEVE in them or they cannot exist. To be able to be there for us, we need to be there for them.

Energy goes both ways.
****
I love that picture.....

I actually had another rather serious subject to share with you today, but this one keeps kicking me off my feet so I better put it down before it gets worse.

I'm in love with Mr. PENIX.

Now, who is that?
Well, Mr. PENIX is a rather intelligent and smart man who's running for the local school board here in California.

I have never personally seen or spoken with Mr Penix but there is this HUGE board just to the right at the beginning of my street, and I pass it around three times daily.
BUT Penix isn't just on my street, he is EVERYWHERE -on every little corner, bus stop and even just in front of my local supermarket.

Penix is BIG,very efficient and totally brilliant!

He surely makes me giggle.... "stand up for Penix", "and here again comes Penix, always ready for action" "Penix is standing tall, always erect" Penix -stil going strong..." GENIUS!
No, NOT because of what the name makes me think of, but because the man has the guts to STAND UP for his name, and because he makes me smile (Penix is sending out good vibes! ;o) 

If I could, I would definitely vote for him. He will probably win BECAUSE of that name.

It's this thing about family names.... I always wanted to change my name as well. Not that I have anything really against it, except the hard fact that NOBODY can pronounce it correctly (except the Danes of course)...

Hmmm but now if PENIX doesn't mind his family name then I guess I shouldn't either.

Anybody knows the song I JUST WANNA LIVE from GOOD CHARLOTTE?

It's a funny tune... If you want, you can see/listen to it here (skip the ad!): http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2658695

The lyrics:

I need an alarm system in my house
So I know when people are
Creeping about
These people are
Freaking me out

These days
It's getting hectic everywhere that I go
They won't leave me alone
There's things they all wanna know
I'm paranoid about the people I meet
Why are they talking to me?
And why can't anyone see

I just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Don't really care about what happens to me
I just wanna live
Just wanna live [x6]

I rock a
Lawsuit when I'm going to court
A white suit when I'm gettin' divorced
A black suit at the funeral home
And my birthday suit when I'm home alone
Talkin' on the phone
Got an interview
With the rolling stones
They're saying
"Now you're rich and
Now you're famous
And fake ass girls all know your names and
Lifestyles of the rich and famous
Was your first hit aren't you ashamed?"
Of the life [x2]
Of the life we're livin'

I just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Don't really care about what happens to me
I just wanna live

Stop your messin' around boy
Better think of your future
Better make some good plans boy
Said everyone of my teachers

Lookout
You better play it safe
You never know what hard times will come your way
We say
Where we're coming from
We've already seen
The wealth that this life can bring

Now we're expected everywhere that we go
All the things that they say
Yeah we already know

I just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Don't really care about what happens to me
Just wanna live [x3]

I just wanna live
Just wanna live [x3]

I just wanna live
Just wanna live [x3]
Don't really care about the things that they say
Just wanna live [x3]
Don't really care about what happens to me

I just wanna live

Another big topic for tonight.

How can we always be able to PROTECT ourself?

How can we always protect ourself from other people's words, emotionally attacks, mood changes, anger, opinions etc

How can we NOT feel pain from hurting words said TO and ABOUT us?
 
When the attack is from strangers, it's easier not to take things personally, but what when it's somebody who really knows us. Somebody we love and who says he or she loves us, then does the confrontation feels stronger or worse? What if they say that it's just a joke, or it's to make us stronger or even to protect us, does that change anything?!

Ok, we can try to understand. Close our eyes, take a deep breath, relax and project ourself into the other person's mind to find out HOW she or he feels, and then WHY and the reason for the said angry and hurting sent projectiles.

It's useful and often the very best thing to do, but even empathy can become a bother. Not the fact of BEING ABLE TO understand the other person, but more that always HAVING TO understand everything....  That we HAVE TO find a reason for the other person's behavior so we will NOT get hurt. That's work! Constant work...

We can do like healers and mentally protect ourself in a cloud of white light while whispering silently "this is not about me, she's just saying this because she feels hurt, tomorrow everything will be ok" but sometimes somehow the hook seems to find its way to dig into us.
Not always but sometimes. Especially when you hear the same type of words from two or more completely different people.  

Maybe these things are necessary? A needed contrasts to all the beautiful, warm, loving words and feelings? Maybe we wouldn't know that those ones are NICE if we don't have the hurting angry ones?  

The most important thing is HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF and not other people's opinion. I know.... but that's like saying "only think about positive things and you'll be non stop happy" or a NLP favorite "don't think about a pink elephant". IT'S JUST NOT THAT SIMPLE!

Maybe we just can't avoid getting hurt. We can't avoid feeling tramped on or having our EGO kicked against the wall. We can't always avoid feeling afraid, insecure and feel pain. It's a part of LIFE and it's a part of what we humans ARE and DO. We can't always understand everything. Our psyche is a huge mystery -even after thousands of years of human existence and constant studies.

But that's still not an answer. Is there one?

Maybe we have to take the things like they come. If we get hurt, then just welcome the feeling and eventually it'll go away. But when a damaging hook has been sent and found its way to stick on our conscious? It HURTS! And when we are IN THE MIDDLE of the pain then IT'S JUST NOT FUN! No fun at all.
It's easy to be clever and look at it some time AFTER the experience, but not when we are IN it.

I guess we are always learning and you lovely people out there, you know what is so great about learning? It always makes us richer, more experienced, more FULL. Full to share, help and guide.  
When ever somebody does or say something hurtful then WE KNOW NOW how that feels so WE KNOW NOT TO say or do the same thing to others. This is an important new knowledge.

This is wisdom, this is life, this is LOVE.

If I had ONE WISH to be fulfilled, then I wish that people would begin truly to listen to each other...

Feeling our way through life. What is right, what is wrong? Everything is there for a reason or we wouldn't be here.

So to describe myself in a scientific way, I must also describe my surroundings, which is a clumsy way getting around to the realization that you are the entire universe.

~Alan Watts~

TRUST:
-have confidence or faith in
-allow without fear

-believe: be confident about something
-hope: expect and wish
-confidence: a trustful relationship

What is trust?!  When can we know what, when and how to trust?

How can we ever trust anything?! Not even ourself, since everything change, constantly, eternally and always. Molecules never get tired of spinning only we do.  

We can trust that everything change.

One moment we look at ourself in the mirror and see this goooorgeous hunky chunky sexy chick (or Terminator) and the day after (after aunt Lucy's birthday party) we see the same body image as horrible with a huge rear only good for pillow substitute for the lazy house cat. 

Even our own perception or judgment plays trick on us.

How can we trust our loved ones? One moment they are as sweet as honey pie and the next moment (after you accidentally washed their favorite basketball T-shirt with your red tanga underwear) they tell you that you are the worse thing ever who managed to come into their eyesight.

Is trust about desperately trying to put people into certain roles with a certain behavior and reaction. So if we stubbornly trust that he or she will say or do a specific thing each time the mountain fall down, then it's US and not them, who failed in understanding what trust is all about. Maybe trust isn't about putting labels on people and things.

But then how can we NOT get hurt when somebody changes from being lovely, nice and caring, and then suddenly burst out angry arrows telling you to get out of his or her path? Or somebody who told you thousands of sweet love words and then suddenly change and tell you that you want to rule or posses them with whatever sort of power you -apparently have?

It hurts, we trusted that person!!

Is it us again, who is being unfair, not real, unfaithful to the fact that everything change? Nothing is personally anyway, so changing people and reactions should be as natural and habitual as the beautiful sun rays shining into my window right now.

We should know better than trying to put TRUST into something different than another whatever kind of feeling.

We cannot force people to be, believe or think in a certain way, we can only know that changes happen in mood, energy, feelings, dreams, emotions etc and believe that whatever happens and whatever is said and felt then there is a reason for it. Somebody or something wants only GOOD things for us. Whatever happens or COME WHAT MAY, trust that!