I never liked going to the hair dresser.... Ever since I was a child my mother had to drag me. I just wanted my hair long, wild and free. That's it. I didn't want any smart hair stylist to tell me what to do, pull my hair and burn my poor scalp with those horrible noisy hair dryers. Nope, definitely not my cup of tea.
Well sometimes I DO have to go -especially when my hair get TOO long and it becomes way too complicated to put up without me looking like pulled out of a haystack. This time it was close to an emergency so I went.

The girl was cute, young, sweet, piercings all over and with a beautiful smile and while washing my hair she even asked if the temperature of the water was ok, so I thought trustfully "this is going to be fine!".

Seated in front of the mirror she asked me how much to cut off and we agreed to cut an inch -just what the hair needed, and then she joyfully began cutting her way through my hair destiny. 

Something looked wrong so twice I asked her "are you sure that you are not cutting off too much?" and she answered with another beautiful smile "no no I'm just making your hair a bit lighter" so I decided to stay a nice client, closed my eyes and meditated. It surely felt a lot lighter, I could definitely agree about that one!

Instead of one she cut off FIVE inches.... and when I told her that it wasn't meant to be so short she simply answered "well let's say that it's good for the hair".

Ok.... no comment, I paid quickly and ran away.

I haven't had that short hair for years. It wont help to be grumpy and I cannot hide for the next three months so I better assume the facts.

It made me think; how much do we let our apparence decide our inner emotions, state and feelings? We can look at ourselves in the mirror -like it or not, but anyhow the picture (or hologram) we see, is that us? Ok, maybe it is, but is that everything we are? No of course it's not. We know it, we feel that there is a lot more than the physical part of our beings, but then why can a bad hair cut, coffee stain on the shirt or a hole in the trousers make us feel less confident, unsecure and worried?

Who hasn't tried to have bad breath, salad between the front teeth or mascara running on the cheek but WE DIDN'T KNOW IT so everything was perfect, but then somebody tells us about the "disaster" and then suddenly we feel oh so bad and maybe even ashamed.

We love to look at beautiful things, it gives us pleasure and satisfaction but we are humans after all with all our ups and downs, wrinkles, spots and hair sticking out from various places. We are what we are.

I believe we have to take care of our bodies just as much as our soul and spirit. They go together and we need to send love and nourish them all. We got so many more important things in life so who really cares about a bad haircut, too big a nose or smelly feet as long as we are HAPPY!

What if everything isn't what we think it is? What if everything is simply images and ideas of our thoughts and brain? What if everything is only created because that's what our mind, culture and collective consciousness believe and have set it to be?

Ok, maybe it can destabilize certain people to realize that their until now known and safe notion of reality is in fact one big illusion, but image all the POSSIBILITIES we have?!!
 
EVERYTHING MOVES, we know that. Even the most stubborn, critical and logic searching body and soul can agree about that one, but from accepting that we are simply a bunch of wiggling particles to that EVERYTHING might be an ILLUSION is quite a huge jump forward.

How can we know that this isn't just a dream? How can we know that what we see is really what we see? Our eyes don't see much, in fact our brain makes around 50% of the puzzle of our vision, so if we say that elephants can't fly then that's exactly what our reality will show us! 

If we get stuck in vortexes of certain beliefs then how are we suppose to see, experience, feel and discover something else? Do we set our own limitations? Not only us personally but us including our culture, society and the entire consciousness of the entire human beings. Just because we THINK a thing is a certain way, does it mean that it really IS that way?

Maybe that's what it's all about....... This strong feeling of that "something is changing in this world". More and more people can feel it. Something is happening. Something is changing. Maybe it's our entire belief system which is changing. The fact of more and more people believing that "new" things can happen, then they really DO happen.

Isn't that absolutely WONDERFUL?!!!

I had a nice hug from somebody today.... A wonderful loving warm life giving energy filling HUG!
From a friend I haven't seen for quite some time. We laughed, shared lunch, talked about everything and nothing, but the very best thing about it all, the very true connection was the goodbye hug. That hug stayed with me for hours. And even still. It was true, pure and natural. A shared moment imprinted forever in my senses and memory.

Do we touch each other enough? Are we so afraid of hidden and sudden sexual impulses, the risk of showing sign of any thinkable harassment or other uncontrolled physical desires, so we don't dare to touch each other any longer?

But how absolutely wonderful it is to feel when somebody takes your arm during a walk, warmly squeezes your shoulder, gives you a kiss on the cheek or the touch of one hand on your hand. One warm pulse and skin touching another. Physical connection with the spirit, soul and unconsciousness filling each other's cup of emotional need for contact. A life touching another physical life. We are bodies as well as souls and minds. We are a whole and the contact with another human being on all different levels are the most life giving and fulfilling experience we can give ourselves. 

When do we really TOUCH another person? When do we really put ALL our attention and love in the touch, really FEEL the connection and feel the energy flow and being shared. We are often so busy in doing whatever million of things in our lives so we forget what is simple, what is true and what is sooooo important. A touch.
 
We are all healers. We have all the same energy source and the same innate capacities. We are all able to feel the vibrating energy in the palm of our hands. The only thing needed is just to close the eyes, breathe deeply and calm, believe in yourself, trust the energy, give in, let go and it's there... The tingling sensation, the heat, the force and the wonderful gift of being alive and full of so many possibilities and wonders. Now take your hands and put them on your lover, friend, family or even your pet or a plant and just feel...... Give, send out and feel the appreciation, connection and sharing.

It's love and it's life and we are right in the middle of it!  

Why is it that when we are hurt we immediately blame it on somebody else? "YOU are the cause of my pain. YOU created this problem. YOU should have handled things differently" etc
Why do we immediately "push away" the cause of our suffering? Why do we so easily and violently hit down on the last shown object and not dare to dig any deeper to find the real reason to the explosion, pain and anger?

I wrote about about anger in a blog entry several months ago. It's the same thing. We are pushing the dagger from the throat and pointing it towards something or somebody else because IT HURTS! It hurts taking the responsibility of all the deep buried toxins which have been silently snoozing and just waiting for the right occasion to break free. Our ego is shaken, our self confidence is knocked down and we feel trapped inside a huge dark cloud of doubt and sadness.

Do we feel too weak to take the responsibility of the situation so we blame it on somebody else?!

It's not somebody else who has made you sad, hurt, worried or even happy, joyful or excited. You and only YOU can do that. Your life is YOUR life, nobody else is experiencing your feelings, thoughts or dreams. We live in an ETERNAL changing universe. We are not the same NOW as yesterday, and tomorrow we'll be somebody new again. Everything changes so actions, situations, feelings, experiences, people, your surroundings, pets, weather, protons, neutrons and electrons, ALL CHANGE! We move, share, give, receive, go apart, come together, breathe, join, beat and live on waves and particles in different dimensions, times, holograms and realities. 

What is real? Real is what we want it to be, what we feel, the way that WE choose to live our lives, think our thoughts, feel, behave and BE. We ARE!   

So if I AM then I am the one in charge of my own life!

Our EGO is there for a reason but instead of fighting it maybe we should work on bringing it back to harmony with the rest. With the BIG PICTURE. With the WHOLE.

What do we want in this world? If we are angry do we want to create anger? If we are in pain do we want to hurt others? If we feel badly treated then what made you feel that way? Who created the vacuum, the doubt, the longing, the worries and eternal head and tummy aches? Who gave you the restless nights, the morning tears and the screaming frustration? Who made the barrier between you and the world? Who inflicted you the itches and burning throat?

I can tell you this; the more you blame other people for your pain and suffering the longer time the pain will linger to your body and soul. Let it go. Release it! Get back in charge of your life, change the vibes, get back swimming in the sweet flow and feel the love of this magical force that makes our heart beat and lungs expand with each inhalation. Get back to living and loving because that's what it's all about. It's your choice. It's your responsibility.

I'll be waiting for you. x

Another early morning but in another place, another home, another country, continent and world. I'm back in the city where I grew up and where I lived for 20 years. I recognize the smell of the river, the buzzing of the small city and the fields, nature and path where I've sitted many many hours day dreaming drifting away in my own little fantasy world (the exactly same place where Hans Christian Anderson wrote his fairytales). 

I have often wondered if this is still my home (but I guess, if I wonder about it, then it's not). So many souvenirs here, so much pain, laughter, childhood mysteries, teenager crumbles, school boredom, reading and reading, playing soccer with the kids on the street, wrestling with my dog, dancing in the snow, eating raw green apples (while my mother yelling "you'll get tummy ache!" -I never did), writing so many things and creating my little warm spot and reason to live and breathe. 

How many times have I got lost running in the big forest while getting chased my mosquitos, feeling light and free, feeling young, alive, full of wonder, fear and curiosity. Going to parties, drinking cheap beer, playing dart, getting drunk, dancing on the roof of parking cars, giggling silly and feeling in absolute charge of everybody and everything. Began playing guitar (wanted to show the guys "that a chick can play hard rock music on a guitar as well!"), did some recording (absolutely horrible!), feeling cool, always push biking around everywhere, up and down the hills, respecting the traffic lights, smiling to my surroundings while chewing eternal peppermint chewing gum. 

I tried to understand my parents (I couldn't), I tried to understand my life (why was I born in such a cold country when I so much dislike the cold?), tried to understand my feelings, thoughts, dreams and why I always had this strong inner longing and hunger for learning, trying, seeing, experiencing more, more and more. A never ending restless jumping ping pong ball always making me feel its impatience and pure existence.

Hiding in my world of creation, paintings, drawings, poems, short stories, music and other funny paper art and personal logic. Life, youth and all the changes and challenges from a rapid transforming physical being and a soul full of questions and trust.

What do we keep in our hearts and close memories from our childhood? Is the way we chose to keep the memory that what shape us to what we are now in the present time?

We cannot change what has happened former in our lives, but we can always decide ourselves HOW we want to keep the thoughts, dreams and reactions.

We are all shaped from the past but the present is ours.

I'm excited as a JUMPING FROG!

My head is oh so full, my neck is more than just normal stiff, my throat is red and sore but I'M SO HAPPY!!!

This was the last time I edited my book and for the last two days I have been reading the entire thing out loud for my sweet beautiful sister, and we have corrected the last couple of things. It's brilliant!

I have been writing on this thing for the last 25 years. Well of course I didn't know when I was a child that my writings would end up in a book one day but that's where they are now.

The book is about why we are what and how we are... Biiiig subject but oh so intriguing and the total main wonder of my entire life.
Why does one person think one way while the other person think the opposite, how do we create our personal beliefs and values, why do we react to certain things in a certain way etc
 
It's a book about life and the amazing, incredible, awesome, unstoppable, eternal and wonderful LOVE I feel for it all. Us, humans, life, the world, the universe! Everything is just so incredible beautiful and WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF IT! Isn' that totally WILD?! It is! It really is! So many possibilities, so many things to see, learn, try, kiss, feel, jump, touch, experience and sense. SO MANY THINGS! So many possibilities within ourselves, our bodies and our minds. It's a gift to be here and I feel so incredible lucky and blessed.

Thank you so much to you all, thank you for reading, believing, thinking, breathing, thank you for being there with me!

The Quality of Love or Fear you Carry into each Moment determines which Road you Travel.

Barbara Marciniak

How do we want to live our life?

Do we want to live doing what others tell us to do. The family, society, culture, country with their rituals, traditions and norms (will we ever be free with all that?!!).

Are the choices we make our choices? Or have they been dictated from outer circumstances and the eternal brain washing from the TV, radio, advertising, fashion etc?
We live in their hidden transparent waves so maybe it's not a surprise why we follow them so easily -especially when they are being repeated again and again.

If we chose to live in truth and harmony then first of all it's OURS point of view of truth and harmony and secondly what are the consequences and frictions with and from the world?

To break chains will always cause noise and people will try to hold you down when you finally dare to jump out flying. 

Can we live in a way that would make everybody happy? Can we follow all notes, keys and instruments so instead of chaos we'll create one big voice -with different colors and strength but always be singing the same song?
  

The mission of the Global Orgasm is to effect change in the energy field of the Earth
through input of the largest possible surge of human energy.

It makes me giggle, it's cheap and everybody can join in (in their own way!).

Why not?!!

http://www.globalorgasm.org/

"A SOLSTICE is either of the two events of the year when the sun is at its greatest distance from the equatorial plane. The name is derived from Latin sol (sun) and sistere (stand still), because at the solstice, the Sun stands still in declination, that is, it reaches a maximum or a minimum."

That's TODAY, NOW, IN THIS MOMENT!!

Oh I love this day. It's short and dark (especially here in Northern Europe!) but from now on the days are getting longer which means more LIGHT! I love it!

And now my dear and loving fellow souls it's my very BIG pleasure to wish you all a MERRY CHRISTMAS! May all your dreams and wishes come true.

To be really honest I don't like Christmas too much.... I'm not into all this tradition thing but this year I was "forced" to be at a very traditional Christmas Eve so I had to come up with an idea (to avoid getting too bored!).I went to the local library, stepped down in their dark cosy cave and found a very old Hans Christian Andersen fairytale book. An old good smelly wonderful full of life and spirit book with some of the master's not veryknown fairytales. 

The stories are absolutely beautiful and last night to the Christmas dinner (in between the caramel fried potatoes and the hot cherry sauce) I read out loud several. That was MY personal Christmas present to myself and everybody else and it was to everybody's love and joy.

I guess we'll never get too old for fairytales.

I send you all my love and millions of kisses. Let's make this time a WONDERFUL time!

xxx

When you close your eyes what do you see?

When you listen to yourself what do you hear?

When was the last time you thought about this. The last time you gave true attention to yourself, to your body, your mind, your heart, spine, lungs and the tiniest sensation as the feeling of your wiggling toes inside the socks and shoes or a dry elbow against the table.

When did we stop to sense ourselves?!

Was it the same time when we began taking the sun for granted and forgot about the growing flowers in the cracks of the pavement or the flying colorful leaves at autumn.
We can feel the digging hunger in the stomach, nagging tension in the neck, the basic impulsion for sex or the long fingernails tapping against the keyboard, but is that all?!! Don't you think that there is so much more to this? This whatever it is. We, us, life, light, love, homo sapiens etc Whatever we are....  

Are we meant to stay with ONE global opinion, ONE point of view, one culture, one life pattern, life thread, experience, collected goal, meaning, wave length, dimension and energy level? Are we meant to stay stable in safe routines, repeated traditions, rituals, dance the same tango and sing the same tune for this entire life (samsara) we are in the middle of right now and here?

Are there more things than what there are around us right now, what we think we see, hear, taste and smell? When did we stop to listen to our heart, to our feelings, intuition, inner voice, dreams and hopes. When did we get afraid? When became the state of confusion something bad and something to avoid? When did our bank account and the wrist watch become more important than happiness and joy. When did the University books and the hard working scientist become of bigger value than the lesson from studying the nature, listening to the other generations and our fellow human beings. When did our eyes get more customized to the TV than the wet shiny grass in the garden or sweet wind in your lover's hair?

Life is so much more. If we just dare. If we dare going away from what everybody tells us what's right and what we should think and do. If we can find a way not having to carry their fear and worry on our shoulders. If we can find courage enough to jump with our eyes closed and let us guide by our heart. If we realize that life is truly something wonderful and if we are a part of it then IF we begin to listen and follow all the little signs we all know are there in front of us constantly. If we follow them. They are life, life is love, then nothing, absolutely nothing can ever do us any harm. We are here to learn, to grow, to love and to experience. We were given life for a reason. We are here for a reason. What do you want now? Spread your wings, dive in the water, kiss the earth and feel the heat from your radiation. Breathe it all in. It's already there. Inside you. You are it and so it is.