I'm sitting at the local library. Internet got a cold back home so I ran away with my laptop and I'm now sitting in the middle of thousands of books, journals, music, movies and people giggling, looking serious, eating candy bars, listening to music, drinking coffee and some of them are even reading a book or two. I have always loved this place and when I was a child the library became my second home. My mother always had to work late so instead of a nanny or somebody else "responsible" I always stayed at the library swimming in between book shelves, smelling the atmosphere and dreaming and flowing away happily in one fairytale book after another. I knew everything about fairies, witches, trolls, magic wands, dwarfs, hidden princesses, rainbows, kingdoms, mystical symbols, grumpy queens, you name it! They were all a part of my closest acquaintances and I loved it -almost as much as my cat, rabbits and dog.

It was a special place and it still is. It has grown bigger, more modern, technology has been knocking on their slide doors and they now have this absolutely brilliant system of ordering, renting and delivering without the need for any physical contact at all. You can stay a complete stranger, an alien or space nut without anybody even lifting the slightest eye brow. They are still friendly know. Lots of wonderful people here still ready to help you if you need it. You just have to be the one folding out your arms and daring to search the contact and they will be there to guide, help and bring back hope.

That's the thing about living in a cold country. It's almost always cold, grey and rainy outside (now we have a violent storm as well) and since you constantly have to cover up and keep your shoulders up tight squeezed around your poor freezing ears then people create a warm mood INSIDE with lots of light, smiles and open hands. We need the contrast or we'll all get insane.

I can still see a Christmas tree from where I'm sitting. They haven't taken down the decoration yet. It's a REAL and beautiful green pine tree and it got lights, angels, hearts and the typical Danish red and white colored flag. It looks really nice. A man is sitting in front of me reading a newspaper. He keeps turning the pages and everytime he makes a tic with his left eye. I wonder if he knows. He probably doesn't and it makes me smile. 

To the shelves next to me I see colorful books about the Sahara desert, Greenland, the life of the sea, the Fashion world for the last century, a big book about Jazz (a great smily man is on the black and white cover. I want the book just because of that smile!), there is another book about ballet and then my favorite one; a book called "Today" -pictures about daily life, normal situations, the breathing and heart beating in this very moment. About the Now. It's nice. It all is.

I can get oh so damn frustrated about having to be a certain place in a certain moment with a certain forced mood but then I close my eyes and I realize that everything is still just wonderful. Everything is still beautiful and perfect in its own shape, taste and color. If I have this huge feeling of deep longing inside my head and heart then maybe it's just because I haven't opened up my eyes wide enough. It's all out there just in front of me!

I want to see, feel, touch and savor it all. Then it doesn't really matter if you are forced to stay in a cold dark country far from your loving dog and friends since it's just a step. It's just one jump up to something else, something warmer with sun, love and laughter. Of course I could chose to feel miserable and lonely but then I wouldn't live like I love to and that's really something I do. I live.

Happy New Year everybody!!

Just because we exist in this world, planet, society and physical dimension does that oblige us to follow the norms?

Do we have to do like everybody else, follow the traditions, rituals and routines, grow up wearing the newest fashion and listening to modern music, have a brilliant education, get graduated, get a job, earn big cash, buy a big car, a home, build up a family, make sure of putting money on the bank account for the retirement, maybe go for some travels, read some books, celebrate Thanks Giving, use hair dye for the gray top, expensive wrinkle cream, follow the system, don't shout too loud and believe all what the hard working scientists tell us. We are following a pre determined track explaining and justifying that life is like that since that's the way it has always been. Why bother changing?

Why dare to take the risk of confusion, pain and a kick in the ass when it's so much easier to stay warm and cosy inside the rules of OUR way of living. THIS IS THE WAY! Shut up and follow. Or don't follow and you'll walk into one problem after the other. You'll feel lost, lonely, pushed outside, rejected, terrified and weak. Is it worth taking that chance? Why not just stay on the damn track and everything will be ok?! Why should YOU be any different, feel different, act differently or even THINK about doing anything different since EVERYBODY else is doing the opposite?!

Genius and intelligence is walking hand in hand. We know it. The genius is having a hard time to explain his or her point of view. That's the real challenge. To discover the idea is easy pie. Just close your eyes, still the water and let it come to you. It's there and it always has been then why don't people want to see it?!!

I'm going straight against the stream here and I'm paying the price. I'm getting judged, shouted at, told that I should start acting differently, that I should start following the rules, think about future problems, settle down and prepare myself for a hard time. Well I can tell you one thing; by having to undergo constant interrogation and being forced to play a role; I AM having a hard time!

I never followed what other people think which of course caused big worries for my family and closed ones. My fellow students at school took me for an alien (the teachers actually liked me -not because I fancied them particularly but I've always loved to learn) and by not wanting to follow the rules of the strongest one in the class I was pushed outside in the cold. I was confused. Something was wrong, I just couldn't figure out what it was. If I forced myself to laugh at their command it felt all wrong but if I stayed faithful to my thoughts and dreams I was punished differently. What were I to follow?

I broke free, left as soon as I could and out I was. Out there. Of course not knowing where to go or what to do but boy, I felt free. Free-er than I have ever felt before. Also scared as ever. Afraid, confused and lonely. Where were I going, what would happen, when, why and how?!!

It's like diving and not reaching the bottom. You know it's there somewhere you just can't see or feel it. A question keep coming up "there must be more to life than this". Always the same one and attacking me when I feel the most vulnerable and blinded by the constant demands. Is this everything to life. This?!!

Then I start analyzing and telling myself that it's silly since one shouldn't live for the goal but for the journey..... Should Could Would.

Am I just being too impatient? Too restless? Asking for too much when I still go so much to learn? If I'm here doing what I have to do and if I can't see the reason then maybe I am the blind one. Maybe I'm the one creating a longing when there isn't any. Maybe I can't see the tree in the forest, bee on the flower, sun ray on my hand. Everything is there, right? There in front of us. Go inside, feel the heart, breathe deeply and let go. Everything's gonna be alright. I know it. I just don't want to follow the rules.... No limits just life. Is it that wrong to exist following your heart? 

I was thinking about how things can see random and then they are not. The nature is genius and logic in its own way and then we human come and put in laws, rules and systems.

We need it but often we only live by what man has created and we forget nature.

It's very early in the morning and I'm getting ready for work but somehow the Fibonacci numbers came into my mind (for people who don't know the Fibonacci numbers then it's a a series of numbers created by adding the last two numbers in the series to produce the next number in the series, ie, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, etc). We even say that the leaves on a flower follow the Fibonacci numbers....

It's amazing. Everything is.

When did the "average" human being stop to wonder about life?

I had another typical "Nina insight" early this morning. You know, those funny ideas, thoughts and dreams we find absolutely genius and brilliant but nobody else than ourselves are able to understand..... 

I just took my bike out and got prepared to drive in the rain when I looked at the dark sky, stopped and smiled. I realized the reason I love the early mornings so much is that the majority of people are deep burried in their unconscious minds dreaming their way through existence. That's the peak of REM and millions of beautiful dreams and wonders are going through their entire beings. They are what they are. Nothing more nothing less. Perfect. Finally the unconsciousness is able to unfold its wings and breathe! Energy. Collective energy. Lots of. 

Then I remembered that the Earth is divided into time zones and since everything is everywhere, particles, waves, energy, vibrations etc then it's all together. We are all together, which means that we are constantly flowing on the clouds of the strong power of the unconsciousness. Of course we don't understand that one.

I mean seriously, it is NOT very logic that our conscious mind should control everything since in fact it only occupies around 10% of whatever we are. Still that's what we keep wanting to do.

Is the conclusion that what makes this wonderful planet of ours turn around is the main fact that we HAVE to sleep. That we HAVE to let go of all those eternal controls, structures, plannings, analyzes, calculations etc and finally slow down the breathing, lower the brain waves and LET GO. Letting the unconscious mind take over and finally become whole (or at least a lot more complete than in our "normal" awakening state).

Is it what keeps us alive?!!

That if WE don't sleep then somebody else sleeps and THEY keep the level of unconsciousness up. Maybe that's a brilliant reason to this "the sun is here but you have the moon" thing. Maybe there is a reason for time zones after all?....

We "survive" in our conscious state (in spite of all the enormous amount of mess we are able to create) BECAUSE in the same time other people are feeding the unconscious level.

Hmmmm.... does this make any sense?

Ok I confess; I'm giggling big time....

Ok they maybe I dare to share another brilliant insight of mine and that is that having those brilliant, wonderful, genius insight, ideas and thoughts gives tons of awesome, beautiful and amazing ENERGY!

They make you stop in wonder, smile and laugh. They give you joy, light and love.

You are suddenly able to grasp the inner nature and beauty of everything intuitively, the colors become more vivid and bright and you have a clear feeling of understanding, recognition and knowledge.

You are connected to the source and you are flowing on its loving wings, feeling safe and secure.

Isn't that great?!

Just imagine how wonderful everything would be if we were able to stay more still and open towards the source. Imagine if we were able to stay in the flow more often, how everything would be and feel like? Being one, being whole, welcoming the feelings, ideas, thoughts, wonders and dreams. Just going with it. Flying, flowing, kissing, feeling, loving, BEING!

I just finished another wonderful meditation session and just before beginning I could feel a thought slowly growing in intensity. The thought about why we always try to force things to happen, why we constantly put in rules in every aspect and moment of our lives -including in meditation practice.

Meditation is a state of being.Nothing else, nothing more. We just are. Then why do so many people want to force certain things to happen? They tell you that you have to sit in a certain position, hold your hands in whatever mudra (sanskrit for hand gesture),your tongue in acrobatic arrangement, eyes rolled up or down, special music, surroundings, time, moment etc. All different kinds of physical principles. Then comes the mental directions; work the feeling and development of the chakras, concentrate on the pineal gland, the cold-hot sensation in your hands, the tingling sensation in your scalp, the Kundalini energy etc

Of course if we cannot seem to do or feel all those things we feel annoyed, sad and full of unnecessary failure.

Why all this?

Why not just be and let the energy do its beautiful flow all by itself? Why put ourselves under so many rules all the time, trying desperately to force things to happen (and by forcing we are slowing down). Why not just let it be as it is. If your legs hurt in the lotus position you'll never be able to relax, if your mind is full of jumping apes then maybe you'll just need to sit a bit longer to let them all calm down and if you don't feel like sitting meditating today than why force yourself to do it?

So many of you have put in as goal: daily meditation. Is it something to remember, something to write down in the calender or agree with your spouse and family to do? Most of us have hectic life styles and it's not always easy to put in everything but what about 5 min on the toilet, 10 min before or after bed time or even in the line at the grocery store.

Why shouldn't we be able to meditate everywhere no matter what time or position?

Why not just be?

We embrace ourselves with the thought of being a highly spiritual developed person. We attend folklore seminars, read open minded books, do Yoga asanas at 5.30am with a smile, meditate daily and eat only raw food, vegetarian or vegan. 

We praise love, compassion and a personal and perfect form for existentialism and philosophy. We breathe in prana, do lucid dreamings, read aura rainbows, present us as God (or Goddess), and create protective shield of white light surrounding our bodies.

If we got a head or tummy ache, we wonder why and what we have done. When we feel like snacking for the forth time or having sex with the neighbor we conclude that our lower chakras are too strongly influenced and we need to make it all come back in proper balance. Of course our family or colleagues cannot always understand our point of view or desires but they calibrate under 200 so it's easy to forgive them. We are going towards higher dimensions, energy and with the universal flow.

....

Then why in spite of all the rosy, wonderful, loving, oh so non judgment choice of living can we still feel grumpy, ranty, declamatory and full of the purest and clearest possible self pity? With ALL what we are doing we should certainly deserve differently. With all our knowledge, spiritual intelligence and high energy levels we should surely be able to influence everything and everybody around us and therefore create constant harmony and balance. Our health should be unspotted, our mind still, everything is perfect and with natural logic and we tell ourselves that unconditional love is the only thing we need to think of  to survive. Love.

Then comes the anger.

We yell at a total useless driver on the road (he made a right turn just in front of our nose -it's justified!!), in spite of hours of visualization techniques we still can't seem to loose the last 10 lbs, we cannot always seem to recover physically (in 10 min)after a soccer match or gym session and it REALLY feel nice to indulge in McDonnald's French fries, an Oprah Winfrey late night show or kick the dog outside in the garden instead of taking the leach and walk around the block.

We are what we are.

Sometimes we DO feel physical and emotional tension because of another family fight, we DO eat too much chocolate and ice cream, we DO swear and curse in the traffic, we DO cheat ourselves through the morning's yoga session, we DO feel that everybody is tramping on our heads and that we DO deserve better than always going to bed alone with a book and a cup of tea or that our critical spouse should start noticing our passionate inner glow and warmth.

You know what? It's ok. Everything is.

We can't erase all our bad and negative feelings just because we think we are running towards Nirvana. We can't just close our eyes and pretend that everything will go smooth and easy since it's bathed in harmony and unconditional love. Of course it can help. It can help a lot but the reality is that we DO have a strong Ego, that we DO have impulses, moods and desires and that's just how it is. Everything is.

Don't forget that we are here to learn.

We need passion.... We need passion to live, to breathe, to enjoy, to be able to feel the delight, the pleasure, the zest, the total and complete gratification of being here right now alive on this planet in a wonderful being somehow labeled as Homo Sapiens.

The passion is what makes us live. Oh, of course we can make the right decisions to do all the possible things to fulfill the basic needs of survival but we are lucky... WE, us, the majority in here having the luxury of Internet, living in the Western World and suffering more from depression and loneliness than hunger, famine and everyday terror.

When was the last time you listened to the thunder of the waves against the shore, smelled the fresh soil under the finger nails, felt the strength of wind against your belly or tasted the sweetness of water on the soft tongue? When was the last time you got down on all four to see the world from another perspective, had pillow fight with the kids, wrestled and played with your lover and kissed your dog or cat whispering words of love and happiness?

We need a life full of passion, firework, desire, roller coasters, lightnings, tears, laughter, surprises, wonder, challenges, amazement and constant curiosity and awe. A life full of all the wonderful, amazing, extra ordinary, beautiful, gorgeous and genius ingredients which are all there waiting for us.

Passion is life, light, love, it's what makes us open up the eyes every morning with a smile and the taste of wonder, our mind flowing with colorful images from a hidden dream world, feelings in the fingertips, our unconsciousness whispering us secrets and taking us on a awesome journey to other incredible dimensions and spheres full of wisdom and enigma.
Do you guys know those tests where you have to choose an answer from GOOD, LESS GOOD, AVERAGE, A BIT BAD, VERY BAD (or something like that!)? And how incredible easy it is just to answer AVERAGE to everything?....

Average, in the middle, neutral, gray, passive, impersonal, inert, nothing, nada, niet.

That's how we want to live our lives?!! Average?!

"Well sister, I'm sorry but sometimes it IS just like that -not good nor bad, neither moral nor immoral, neither good nor evil, right nor wrong....!"

Ok, yes I know.... but is THAT it? Is that what we want in life? Is that what we want to remember when we lie on our death bed thinking about all the years passed by? Does it really take so much more to put in the zest?

A vigorous and enthusiastic enjoyment, the DESIRE, joie de vie, EXCITEMENT and JOY. 

The stars never shines with the same intensity, the daily jam and butter sandwich will always have a new taste and your lover, spouse, friend is never the same one minute from the other. Neither are we. Everything changes. Now then WHEN and why do we become numb and blind? We got enough constant new inputs to keep the wonder rolling. We have so much both inside and outside us. Everywhere we look we hear communication and feel energy. Always. Eternal.

Does living in passion take a lot of effort, hard work and energy? Yes and no. It IS necessary to stay alert, keep an open heart and remember the awe but that's not "work", that's a lifestyle. That's how we all should live and trust me, it gives sooooo much more energy, joy and LOVE. The flow will be inside you -of course it always is but you'll finally be able to feel it. It's there! You'll be swimming in the arms of love, feeling the kisses of the angels and you'll finally be able to feel the air and light IN you as well as out on the street. 

It's passion, desire for living. It's love, it's us and it's just so amazingly beautiful.  

PS. I totally love that picture....

I just came home from training, entered the living room and somebody was sitting watching TV - she was watching a documentary about the second World War concentration camps. I saw ONE horribly image, backed out immediately apologizing that I didn't want to see a thing like that. She shouted at me that it was history and that I ought to see because it's very important.
 
Important? For who? Feeling sorry for people does that raise this world's consciousness? Does it help anything or anybody?

Yes I know about all the horrors from the war waste, I know about the poor people in Africa, the fights on the streets, the anger and abuse in the homes, the social terror, the political unjustice etc but do I really HAVE to keep listening, seeing, knowing and feeling the pain and anger myself? Am I being cruel, ignorant and "cold blooded" because I do not want to watch the news, since I do not want to take part of the world's misery or feel sorry for the victims? 

I'm not blind, I would never hurt anybody and I would love to help more but right now I'm just doing the very best thing I can. The thing that feels right, makes me shine, light and happy; being as true as I possible can to myself and to everybody else. I feel love so I send love. I smile to my surroundings, talk to strangers, open doors and windows, give my time, listen and share and help people feel the energy and flow. That's what I can do.
 
I've said it before and I say it again; I need your help. Let's live in harmony with ourselves and we will help everybody. We are in this together.  

I've realized something the other day at work: it's impressively hard NOT to rant, never to complain because of something, somebody, somewhere and whatever reason. Everybody does it, all the time, non stop. Blah blah blah. 

I'm not even talking about real big issues like discussions of human rights, spiritual warfare or world famine but about those small negative output, verbal nagging expressions, reactions and grumpy habits we use daily -often total and automatically without any other decent neighbor thoughts. Blah blah blah. 

I think the absolute favorite subject of them all is the weather. It's either TOO warm, TOO cold, too windy etc. In my gym in France I tried to put on music for everybody's taste; total failure, it would never suits everybody. I could never reach everybody's satisfaction no matter how hard I tried. Of course also in the traffic everybody is against you. That's a fact, a social conspiracy, everybody has been mind controlled to go against our personal desire of speed limit, left turns and the color of the traffic lights.

Maybe we NEED to rant. Maybe we need to get it all outsomehow. Off the chest, down in the drain and nourish the poor ears of our surroundings. We feel so much lighter afterward. Words are out, it's already forgotten and we are happy.

Maybe if we don't rant then we become cynical.

Definitions of cynical on the Web:

Believing the worst of human nature and motives; having a sneering disbelief in e.g. selflessness of others.

That's even worse!..  and it's used everywhere in all the directions we see, stand, feel and live. Being cynical turns into a habit. It takes root and it breathes on more, stronger and darker tunes. It's a hook in the spine finding its way up out our mouth and senses. Blah blah blah.

Do we rant and become cynical because of the fruit of our selfish genes, our Ego who manifests its existence and craves its piece of the newly baked sweet smelly banana cake? Or do we act like this because we miss other words to express our feelings, moods, reaction and state? We feel unsure and confused so out comes the words. Blah blah blah.

What would happen if we began praising our surroundings, if we feel grateful of the minute right now and feel happy of the eternal changing weather, moods and brilliant consciousness levels. What would happen if instead of getting annoying because of the wrongly place toilet paper we'll giggle and be grateful of that there IS available toilet paper in sight. What if all problems were in fact brilliant challenges, critics are the needed tools to reach the state of a shining diamond and instead of concentration on the injustice, judgment and the incredible unfair act of our parents, family, lover, boss, colleague etc then we begin to notice, listen and learn from the experience.

It's all a big lecture and we are so lucky to receive the lessons.

Let's enjoy and do like the song we all know by handsome Bobby McFerrin; Don't worry be Happy.

It's so easy after all. Why put too much spice in the food until we can't taste the fruit any longer?

Isn't it brilliant that we are unable to project darkness but we can easily send out light and love?

There must be a reason for all this....

I live to love and I love to live. 

Thank you to you all for sharing this with me. xxx

 -Nina.