Again and Again. It's out there, I know it!

Just because we exist in this world, planet, society and physical dimension does that oblige us to follow the norms?

Do we have to do like everybody else, follow the traditions, rituals and routines, grow up wearing the newest fashion and listening to modern music, have a brilliant education, get graduated, get a job, earn big cash, buy a big car, a home, build up a family, make sure of putting money on the bank account for the retirement, maybe go for some travels, read some books, celebrate Thanks Giving, use hair dye for the gray top, expensive wrinkle cream, follow the system, don't shout too loud and believe all what the hard working scientists tell us. We are following a pre determined track explaining and justifying that life is like that since that's the way it has always been. Why bother changing?

Why dare to take the risk of confusion, pain and a kick in the ass when it's so much easier to stay warm and cosy inside the rules of OUR way of living. THIS IS THE WAY! Shut up and follow. Or don't follow and you'll walk into one problem after the other. You'll feel lost, lonely, pushed outside, rejected, terrified and weak. Is it worth taking that chance? Why not just stay on the damn track and everything will be ok?! Why should YOU be any different, feel different, act differently or even THINK about doing anything different since EVERYBODY else is doing the opposite?!

Genius and intelligence is walking hand in hand. We know it. The genius is having a hard time to explain his or her point of view. That's the real challenge. To discover the idea is easy pie. Just close your eyes, still the water and let it come to you. It's there and it always has been then why don't people want to see it?!!

I'm going straight against the stream here and I'm paying the price. I'm getting judged, shouted at, told that I should start acting differently, that I should start following the rules, think about future problems, settle down and prepare myself for a hard time. Well I can tell you one thing; by having to undergo constant interrogation and being forced to play a role; I AM having a hard time!

I never followed what other people think which of course caused big worries for my family and closed ones. My fellow students at school took me for an alien (the teachers actually liked me -not because I fancied them particularly but I've always loved to learn) and by not wanting to follow the rules of the strongest one in the class I was pushed outside in the cold. I was confused. Something was wrong, I just couldn't figure out what it was. If I forced myself to laugh at their command it felt all wrong but if I stayed faithful to my thoughts and dreams I was punished differently. What were I to follow?

I broke free, left as soon as I could and out I was. Out there. Of course not knowing where to go or what to do but boy, I felt free. Free-er than I have ever felt before. Also scared as ever. Afraid, confused and lonely. Where were I going, what would happen, when, why and how?!!

It's like diving and not reaching the bottom. You know it's there somewhere you just can't see or feel it. A question keep coming up "there must be more to life than this". Always the same one and attacking me when I feel the most vulnerable and blinded by the constant demands. Is this everything to life. This?!!

Then I start analyzing and telling myself that it's silly since one shouldn't live for the goal but for the journey..... Should Could Would.

Am I just being too impatient? Too restless? Asking for too much when I still go so much to learn? If I'm here doing what I have to do and if I can't see the reason then maybe I am the blind one. Maybe I'm the one creating a longing when there isn't any. Maybe I can't see the tree in the forest, bee on the flower, sun ray on my hand. Everything is there, right? There in front of us. Go inside, feel the heart, breathe deeply and let go. Everything's gonna be alright. I know it. I just don't want to follow the rules.... No limits just life. Is it that wrong to exist following your heart?