I woke up the other morning at 5am with a big smile and the knowledge of "I'm back!" I am.... Back..... Where was I? I don't know but after 10 days of coughing, joint aches, physical weakness, lungs feeling bigger than my body and sleeping sleeping sleeping I finally opened up my eyes and even before seeing the world I could feel that something has happened. Nina was back. Her energy isn't quite as before BUT it's getting there alright. I know that she doesn't have to be sick, she doesn't have to feel so darn tired all the time but I guess that's a part of being what we are also; physical beings in a physical world.

I'm happy.

The bubbling is back.... It's just like cooking a stew and sensing its sssssizzling, buzzing and vibrating in all it's wonder and joy. Full of excitement and curiosity. The normal, wonderful and life giving feeling of pure life. Back. Oh I missed it so much. We are what we are in any given moment. Everything is there for us to try and we learn and change when it's time. It's just perfect. Nothing more nothing less.

So now my eyes are open again, I'm back in the gym sweating, I don't need to sleep all the time and instead of bugging and annoying pain my head is spinning full of ideas, thoughts and weird wonderful dreams. As usual.

The "small" things are reappearing as well. The signs, signals, sounds, visions and communication of whatever life force or magic world flowing around our existence. The amazement, wonder and giggling is back on the bench and again I notice things that make me confirm how totally awesome this world is. Like last night... Last night something happened. Something I have done a million times before but I wasn't ready to notice before. I experienced that my body senses moving matter BEFORE I can feel the thermal response.

This is WILD! Maybe it's so simple, well yes I'm sure it is (and it probably has a great scientific explanation) but I just never noticed it before. Its difference is only maybe 1-2 seconds BUT it's THERE and the sensed observation had me going for a couple of hours, thinking how come, why, what, when etc.... Hmmmm.... Isn't it fascinating?!! At least I think it is....  

Small things.... Small everyday routine kissed habitual sequence of repeated steps, a fixed method and procedure through life. All those things.... do we notice them?

The snow is still melting outside. How funny it is that this white puffy thing can turn into some liquid shiny whatever. The sun is behind the clouds and the sky is wearing a silver grayish rainbow coat. I would love it to be warmer but it's not, so I need to put on tons of clothes before going anywhere and I will.... Go.... I'll go to the river, smell the wet grass, touch my tree (he's a BIG guy today!), look at the birds flying in the air and feel the raindrops and wind on my face. I will not stay outside for too long or I'll get cold but long enough to feel and share myself with my surroundings. I don't need much time actually. I know they are always there.

Now almost two weeks after my "stay-in-bed-don't-even-THINK-about-going-out" I'm still coughing, my nose isn't as free as I would love it to be and I still feel a bit exhausted after running up the stairs.... Stamina needs time to recover. Well apparently it does. Why are we so strongly connected to our physical body? Why are things the way they are just because somebody said so? Is it all just one big mass hypnosis, illusion or dream? What IS it all?

Hmmmm.... I'll go for my walk, then to the gym, then back, jump in the shower, get something to eat, do some paper "cultivation" and then bike to my other work. Well the work I still have to do for the next 1 ½ week before I'll FINALLY go back to France. To all the absolutely crazy and wonderful French people not knowing the difference between cottage cheese and fromage blanc. I miss them.... More work. Work is good. Some is. It keeps us going like an engine in an old Bentley. Purrrrr... and there she goes again.... THANK YOU!!!!        

 

Have you ever had the feeling that something big is going to happen? Maybe not now in the next hour or so but close enough for you to feel its tingling and bubbling excitement. You just KNOW it's gonna happen soon and it's like everything you do right now is just some kind of practice for the distanced action. Like a repeated exercise to build up the needed stamina to lift the x-pound dumbbell or to swing on a HUGE illusionary swing in the middle of the blue nowhere and everywhere...

It feels so right in its strange shivering way. Something -whatever it is, will soon be brought to life, to be created out of and from the universe and directed to our chest, and together we'll start dancing in the light and feel our heart beats of breathing and stunningly existence. It's there alright.

Something A LOT bigger than us and waaaaaaay out of our reach for us to try to manipulate, control, stop or asked to hurry.

Of course we can try to go against the stream, jump, shout and complain full and heavy of justification that THIS is not the practical time, that this is not right for our culture, society and chosen life style. That we have better and more important things to do right now, and that we in fact are terrified of changing.... Completely horrified...

It's the unknown that scares us so. When we close our eyes we know that everything's perfect in its own way but then we open up the eyes and we see the world and surroundings as they are now. We become worried and anxious and jump right into the infernal tunnel of doubt and fear. We want, we desire and long for but we stand paralyzed and disassociated as a privileged observer to our own life spin. Round and around.

The "something" needs our courage. Not an easy thing of course but nobody told us it was going to be without a challenge.

Like a pin prick on the finger tip, a peculiar taste on the top of the tongue or a shadow in the corner of an eye glimpse. There it is.... Waiting for us....

Are we responsible of the Ego of our children?

This world in here is a special world.... a different world, dimension and community -it's a Zaadz world. Many of us have experienced the calmness of alpha embraced meditation, the bliss of silence, the euphoric feeling of trance dance, the excitement of never ending possibilities, the flexibility of various joint testing asanas, and the ecstasy of fulfilling our desires and inner dreams. We know that everything can happen, that everything is perfect in its own weird and wonderful way, that everything has a reason and that we are here to evolve and learn.

We are tolerant, loving, open minded and forgiven.

Well some of us are........

That's why we can talk about consciousness calibration, Ram Dass, dhyana, Chi, mu and Satori and still be understood. It's our world and we share the same thoughts, hopes and dreams. We are at home.

But many people don't understand our language and sometimes they feel annoyed and misinterpret words like yoga, karma and nirvana and that's ok too. We can't be aware of everything and we all need time to learn and use the information as it comes and then digest when we are ready.

Now there is one topic I have been thinking about that tends to jump out as a major challenge for us all and that's when we talk about the EGO. For many spiritual people the Ego is something bad, something to be controlled, suppressed and a direct obstacle to enlightenment and higher bliss. For other people the Ego is our personal identity and a stable point in an unstable world. We can't see it but still we embrace and love it. To be Selfish is bad and to have High Self Esteem is good.

It's actually quite confusing....

The definition of EGO on the net:

• an inflated feeling of pride in your superiority to others
• self: your consciousness of your own identity
• (psychoanalysis) the conscious mind

It's somewhere between good and bad.

How can we -as those open minded people we are, NOT risk burning our wings really badly if we freely share our opinion about the damage of possessing a strong Ego? How are we supposed to speak calmly against something to people when their Ego is dominating their entire existence? The Ego protects the Ego and we risk stirring up anger and hostility. How can we ever try to make parents understand that they might in fact be hurting their new born diamond by giving the child endless direct attention, courtesy and make them use to 24 hour non stop entertainment?

The parents LOVE their little beautiful child and they want to protect and give everything they possible can. It's understandable, it's innate and it's love.  

Now where is the risk?

How can we make our love flow freely and not accidentally transform our little jewels into serious attention seeking vampires with high risk of later confusion, identity crisis and overly sensitive self esteem? How can we do things wrong when the only thing we want to do is to do them right?

And maybe it isn't wrong at all.... Maybe it's something we all "have" to go through, something important for us to learn. Maybe we need an Ego blown up as big as the Sahara desert before later succeeding in letting the tension slowly whistle out of the balloon. Maybe we have to see and feel the top of the mountain before being able to run in the forest and swim with the turtles. Contrasts. They are there for a reason, and so is the Ego.

We all go through different phases in our life. We all know about tears and laughter, pain and joy. We learn. We do need some direct attention -especially as small children, and maybe the parents are doing just what in fact is the most important thing for the child? What it needs the most? But when does too much attention turn into something negative? How come so many small children totally rule and dominate the home and entire family, and why do we see so many young people having problem in finding their step to stand on in society, why do they feel lost, lonely and rebellious?

Maybe it's when the child realizes that life is more than that. That something is missing... A worshipped Ego has a good immediate taste but there is something icky about it all. It smells and acts funny and it doesn't keep us warm and safe during the long hours in the night. The Ego is one important ingredient but the cake needs more than that to become sufficient golden, resistant and nourishing.

The question is now; how can we provide our children with a crunchy bite of everything? Not too sweet, not too salty or too spicy and somehow give them the idea of the big picture. Help them build the structure to fold out the entire umbrella and still being able to protect them from the strong rain. They also need time and experiences to learn so no need to put heavy stones in their shoes...

We love them and it's not always easy to know what's good and what's not. We live in the now and it IS great fun to play with our children, and since it feels good then why should there be a limit? Remember that we -as adults, are doing the majority of our physical acts in the Beta brain frequency. Small children don't. They flow around in Delta and Theta waves which means that in spite of them looking and sounding quite awake their brains are in the state of deep and drowsy sleep. They are in constant trance and hypnotic perception and everything we say and do goes straight to them without restrictions or limitations. They have no defense filter built up yet and they are hungry to learn and experience. Happily and trustful they go with the stream and they are not able to just stop the game when the parent had enough of playing and "fooling around". As parents we have a strong responsibility of awareness as the small child hasn't got. Yet.

A baby cannot tell you that it doesn't really need more visual stimulation but instead more direct physical contact. A baby can feel eyes looking at her and when she does a certain movement and show her teeth (smile!) the response is what she'll mirror. We are her "doubles" and her foundation is our flow, our genes, main concern and responsibility. It becomes our moral philosophy and obligation to teach our children about Quality. To teach them about the real values of life. Respect, appreciation and gratitude. Back to the roots.  

We cannot know what's behind the baby's small eyes but we can do our best to show him the colorful flowers, make him hear the waves of the ocean, taste the sweet smell of love and feel the safe and soft hands' cuddling and caress. It's us. He is you, you are her, we are them, and it all goes together in the end.

That's the beauty of it. When we are ready to learn we will.    

"Don't believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you'll see the way to fly."
Richard Bach

 

I keep thinking about this « Ego » thing....

What is it, where does it come from and why do we have it? Ego, identity, sense of Self, personality, individuality..... What's the importance of it all? To analyze, to cut around, to divide, to understand? (I had a discussion with a psychologist the other night about trying to put logic in what's not logical -our minds and feelings!).

When a child is born it doesn't understand anything about the Ego and she is aware of the identity of the surroundings (mother, father, siblings...) before realizing her own. She cannot see herself and she notices and learns from what happens around in the physical world. Later she'll learn about the separation...

That's rather interesting...

We know that infants are close to the source (they just "came out of it" and haven't yet built up all the human defenses, criticism, limitations, routines etc). Does that mean that they are our greatest models? The baby is our teacher and maybe we should keep our mind open and learn from him instead of absolutely wanting to install and demand doctrines, rules and beliefs.

All "succeeded" gurus and geniuses tend to be rather childish in their way of being; Einstein, Mozart, Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Donna Eden, David Hawkins... They joke, play and giggle and have a constant adventurous, naïve, innocent, exciting, amusing and energizing light in their eyes. Everything somehow seems so easy for them.

Have they become like children? Newborn, fresh, full of trust, curiosity and peace. Do they know that everything is alright, that we are all together, the same huge being, and do they know that everything is perfect in its own way? Do they... or do they feel? Maybe not even that. Maybe they just follow. Follow whatever it is who make them compose, create, produce and bring wonderful gifts to our knowledge and existence. Just like that. Not understanding anything, just flowing. Where is the Ego in the flow?   

Wonderful Alan Watts has made a brilliant speech named "Who is it Who Knows There is No Ego?" (you can hear it for free online on http://boomp3.com/m/0813071f24c5).

Good question...

Psychologists, teachers, consultants, advisors, life coaches and everybody else expert in self care, development, goal setting, problem solving etc are professionals in guiding and helping people. But with all that great knowledge how come so many of them often are confused and lost in their own lives? How long does it take for the brain to connect with the body? We know so many things... We know what's supposed to be of help and to be good, how to write statistically key points, what food to eat and what acupuncture pressures to touch.. but that's all in our brain. What happened to the whole? The holistic model of the reality, our life, being and the now? What is needed before the body integrates the knowledge?

I have a friend in Eastern France. He's a good person and when he wants to help somebody he talks about himself. He thinks that sharing his personal suffering and experience can change the other person's energy level for better. Then he gets confused when people react with rejection and anger. It can be a challenge to speak with him since he often misinterprets words and tends to take everything as a personal attack. He's critical towards everything, always ranting and cannot trust anything without the opinion of famous scientists. Of course he drives me nuts....

And of course I still like him. I have learnt A LOT from this friend.

Do we learn the most from people who annoy us? Why do we get annoyed in the first place? What's triggering the petty annoyances and oh so nagging bugging and tiresome irritation? What are our pet peeves all about? All those things are they the expression of our sensitive Ego? Something scratching in the shoes and it doesn't get better with jumping or kicking. We need to take off the shoes....

I have another wonderful friend with an Ego as BIG as the Eiffel Tour. Of course he doesn't think it's wrong and of course I can't say anything. I know that someday he'll stand face to face with the contrast (and feel the emptiness) but it's not my job to tell people what I think is good for them... He'll learn one day, we all do and when he falls I'll be there alright. He's my friend.

The EGO is one big intriguing confusing marvelous controlling liberating variety and spice to life. We can't with or without it. Better just accept it and take all its shapes and colors. It's us. All of us.

I'm here and then I'm everywhere.

I'm catching the flight to Paris tomorrow for our yearly Fitness Trade Fair (I'll take some pictures. I'll be smiling and kissing/hugging people for three days non stop...). I got some work to do in France for the next couple of weeks, and then finally I'll jump on another plane, cross the ocean, follow the sun and come to the States.

Hmmmm AIR is what Geminis love.....

Soon I'll be able to settle down a bit and finish writing the English version of my book Open Windows and I got so many other wonderful things, thoughts and experiences I'd like to share with you.

Thank you so much for having helped me through the cold and dark winter months. Now it's time for some heat and the SUN. xxx

I just came back from my sister. I had to say goodbye and I almost cried, hugging her while repeating how much I love her and that I will always be there for her no matter where I am. It's never fun to say goodbye.....

It's late evening and while driving back I was looking at the sky thinking about how incredible AMAZING it is that our sky keeps changing colors. From orange, pink, yellow, red till deep blue embraced in strong day light, gray when it's cloudy, whitish when beautiful snowflakes are dancing in front of our nose, silvish in the kiss of a big giggling moon and deep black with shiny stars and secret wonders...

It's fascinating....

And what is even more awesome is somebody -not far from here, can look at the sky right now and see something COMPLETELY different!

That's WILD!.... and the only thing I can say is WOW!

We are sooooooo lucky.....

 

I'm writing these words while I'm sitting in a small hotel room eating rice cakes with goat cheese as early morning breakfast. If I lift my head to the left I can look out on the drizzling rain washing the windows of the in-front standing office building which obscures my view to the river. Earlier I was able to hear the birds whistling but now the only thing I can hear is the traffic and a tune of Leonard Cohen singing about raincoats.  

I have spent several days in Paris working, smiling and hugging friends flowing in the stream of faster-better-slimmer-stronger-bigger-prettier, happier? I have been feeling, observing, learning, sharing and left some of me in handshakes, cheek kisses, laughter, hugs and endless conversations.

Paris is a marvelous city. You are able to see amazing buildings like the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame and the old and the new Arc Triumph, visit cosy and beautiful areas like the Latin quarter, St. Michel, Montmartre and St. Germain, sit on the grave of Edith Piaf or Jim Morrison, and drink a Royal Kir or espresso in one of the many cafés, brasseries and famous restaurants. But what is even more wonderful is all the different people. You can hear all languages, see and experience all sorts of sizes and colors, facial expressions, body types, culture, religion and belief systems. You can find for everything and everybody. 

People are always in movement, coming and leaving, up and down, back and forth. If you want to disappear in the crowd and stay anonymous it's easy. Paris is constant action, flashing light, music for all tastes, a huge flow of colorful tourists, honking traffic, practical metro, bus and tram system, high paid work opportunities, skilled many facetted education, concerts and plays, big opera house, all the needed information, gadget, exhibitions and endless possibilities. A huge concentration point.

I guess the buzzing of the big city is what gives some people the feeling of being alive. Big cities need people and people need big cities. They fulfill each other's wish and desire perfectly.

Then if big cities are the inspiration, motivation and "kick" for the people choosing to live here then why do so many of them seem so stressed, frustrated and angry? What are they all running for? What do they miss? Why are their light so dim, vibration so low, and what can we do to "break through" their veil? How can we manage to reach a person with insanity, fear and anger shining out of his eyes?

Of course we can still see them. We can still see their being, the light and the life force, and in spite of the thunder and lightning we can always send love and understanding. But is this power enough to reach under the protective and defensive layers and embrace the person? How much is needed and how can we "save" anybody if they don't want to change? People on the street, the security guards in front of the shoe shop, the lady at the check out, the old man lying on the pavement with his dog and the crying 2 year old trying to catch up with his siblings...   

What inner force do we need to be able to resist against the stress, the eternal ranting, the critical, cynical, noise and competition of the life in a big city? How not to be pushed on the same wave, feeling tired, head ache and joint weaknesses? The wall slowly builds up and the people are left trapped in their own despair and dissatisfaction. Of course they don't like the experienced state of being but they cannot seem to find the right key to open up the door. Instead they carry a shield with a protection as thick and heavy as bricks.

Does the energy in big busy cities have to be so low?

****************************************************************

I just came back to Southern France. While driving for the 6-7 hours to get here I was thinking about what I wrote earlier in Paris and I realized that Paris is perfect, and I was the one who had been missing essential signs. The energy isn't low in Paris. Some people might feel sad and lonely but what about the happy Muslim girl who sold me pain au chocolat the other morning, the little girl who chased me on the street because she wanted to play or the young good looking guy who found courage to come up to me with a big smile talking about life and everything? All those people, happy people, full of trust, joy and hope, living their life in a huge amazing city like Paris.

We live our life as we are ready to do. We are learning and happiness for one person isn't the same as happiness for another. We all have different point of view, beliefs, dreams and thoughts and even though we might sometimes feel unsatisfied about the now then it's still OUR choice HOW we experience the surroundings. 

That's really one thing that continues to amaze me so much; we are all so incredible different and in the same time so much alike. Life is totally awesome....

 

I have been feeling a bit sad lately. Not doubtful or insecure just more a feeling of non acceptance, which in fact is quite silly. If we don't accept the now what else do we have left? That's all we got... the now. Then it's our decision to do something about it, and how long it's going to take depends on our level of conscience, knowledge and determination. Easy pie.

I have been thinking about how much the lower chakras tend to rule the world. How much sex, violence, material wonders, food and physical power and this consisting thing about having to fit in, to be like the others, follow the stream, think the same thoughts and act like you are suppose to act. Why is that? How come it seems like everybody suddenly groups against you when you want to follow your inner voice and just to be? Of course I don't know where it's leading me, of course I can't answer the questions of "are you sure of what you are doing?" or "wouldn't it be better to do another thing?" and of course I can feel afraid and confused. I am afraid and confused.... but I am also so many other things. And in spite of all the action I feel more calm inside than I have ever felt before. It's strange.....

We are in this world as individual and physical beings and we do feel the impact of our surroundings and the demands, rules and set norms. We do feel the existence and manifestation of our lower chakras, our ego and everything that goes with it (a friend told me yesterday seriously the reason why he constantly needs accept and confirmation of whatever he does and says; he said that it's because his EGO is so small so that he always needs to verify its existence....).

How we are all so incredible different.......

Another friend answered me when I confessed my love of body oils and creams, that those products are actually pretty bad since they provoke the opposite effect of terrible dryness and it's all just a big illusion anyway.... OK he might be right but what else is there left?!! I mean, how are we suppose to do everything right? Think only positive high energy bringing thoughts, eat only good healthy non treated non polluted food, send out constantly unconditional love, understand, listen and learn from the critics, believe that bureaucratic paperwork is an illusion, illness is a sign of our spine being off track, loneliness is the price of being a separated thinking individual and feeling cold is just an imagination...

I just came home from a walk with my four legged companion. The sun is rising and for the first time in days we are able to see its beautiful rays. The dog was happy and I could feel the joy in her walk and the way she held her head. I'm one of those persons who always look at the sky. I have always -ever since I can remember been looking at the clouds, the different colours, the rain drops, the snow flakes, rainbow, lightnings, the stars, moon, sunrays and the birds. The birds........

I saw a flock of maybe 20-30 birds flying closely together. They kept turning around in what seemed like a big 8. Perfectly, smoothly and sometimes their wings and small bodies reflected the sun and they looked like glittering flowers dancing on the big blue ceiling of a sky.

I didn't really realize how long I was looking at them before I felt tears on my cheek. The wind in my eyes... I think...      What were they doing? Where are they going? For whom are they dancing? Do they know all those things? Does it matter?

Maybe not. We only have the now so what use do I have from feeling sad about things that aren't in the now anyway. Maybe the birds are dancing for us. Maybe they know that we need them. Somehow we are all dancing together and all the city sounds, nature sounds, people sounds, they are all individual voices in a big tremendous song. Maybe that's what we should all do; singing?....... 

 

I just came back from my morning walk. The sky was all pink, blue, white, gray, red, yellow and orange and I just had to go out there... Amazing! Even when everything is covered by dark and heavy clouds (like yesterday) it's still the same awesome show every single morning. I know it's there (and not only because wonderful writers and pilots like Richard Bach and Guy Murchie have told us about it). Up there and every single morning.... Isn't it amazing?! And it's faaar out of our league to do or say anything against it. It's just there, in spite of everything and everybody. It is and it is everywhere. When it's not here where I am, it's somewhere else. In another temperature, sphere, time zone, listening to another heart beat and kissing somebody else's eyes and existence.

I saw the same flock of birds. Well, maybe it was the same, and again I stood watching, mouth open, chest expanding and I felt sooo lucky being able to share and enjoy the graceful flow of the birds. Round and round. What are they doing?!! Maybe they are doing -what I just did, their morning exercise: Stretching their wings after a good night of sleep, working on their aerodynamic capacities, tuning their flying technique and practising team work, or maybe they are simply just enjoying their flying and greeting the raising sun? Why should there be a reason to everything? Why do we always want to come up with a boring scientific explanation of what is not really meant to be explained but just to enjoy, experience and to be shared and felt?..

I have been thinking about an old blog entry I wrote some time ago about not knowing anything about anything:

http://free2bmore.zaadz.com/blog/2006/9/expect_the_unexpected

It's true....  How can we?

Things are happening no matter if we want them or not (just like the sunrise) and we can chose to freak out or just let them be as they are....

Am I being wrong or weak if I say that I'm afraid? I spoke with a friend last night and he said; "wouldn't it be great if we always could stay calm, if we were always in ease and could control everything?"

No.... No it wouldn't. I need the excitement, I need the fear, the pain, the tears and all those things that make trust, love and happiness so much stronger, so much more rich, dear and intense. All the things that make me feel that I'm alive, that I'm here on this planet, in this universe and among other people who feel, think and have the same joy, sorrow and laughter as me. I want to share all those things. I want to be in it, with you all. Together. Come what may. We live. What other choice do we have?

The song is great but the lyrics are even better. So simple, so genius. By sharing smiles with stranges we share so much more....

***********************************************************

"You're Beautiful"

My life is brilliant.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flying high, [ - video/radio edited version]
Fucking high, [ - CD version]
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

 

It rained all day yesterday but this early Saturday morning the sky is beeaaautiful and there is a strong wind caressing everything and everybody and bringing smells and feelings from all over the world. I just came back from my morning walk and now my cheeks are red and the brownish long nosed dog is happily snoring in her bed. I was thinking about a subject while walking but then a small bird caught my attention and everything suddenly changed (I was thinking about the subject desire but I'll write about that another day). This little bird was amazing and I realized that in some ways we humans are just so much like them (or they are just so much like us). Some of them are better in flying and go A LOT faster than others.

I didn't see my flock of birds this morning. I thought I saw them out of the corner of my right eye but when I tried to focus they disappeared (like a mirage or a desert hallucination in a desperate search for water) and all what was left was this missile like bird on the sky. It kept its wings folded against its tiny little body and vrrruuuuuuuuuuum it went. Fast. Perfect. Amazing. How does it feel?!

I saw another bird going almost just as fast but at a lower ground level and just before colliding against a garden gate it made a sharp turn to the right and continued its journey. How was it able to avoid the obstacle in such a high speed? My dog does the same thing... Sometimes when we are running in the forest she runs in a VERY fast speed and it has always totally fascinated me how she's able to avoid all the branches, trees and other things flowing in her way, but she does... Like if the awareness of her surroundings gets attuned with the faster speed (when we walk slowly on the street I have seen her bump into street lamps and yesterday morning she accidentally walked into my legs when I stopped looking at something...).   

Are we the same? Do we get better and more attentive to what we do when everything is accelerated? Or is it just because we forget to think and then we just do and react to things in an unconscious level. Who watches over us, making us avoid bumping into obstacles? What are we?!

Do we "lose" our abilities of alertness, awareness and higher perception when we get trapped in routines, habitual procedures, methods and set condition of how we live, how we think, act and respond to what we think we see, experience and what we undergo in our daily life and physical being. Do we become like coach potatoes even if we don't have a coach and a neighbouring TV? A state of being...

And a brilliant question; do we have to be physically active to be able to reach this higher awareness? No, I don't think so.... It's not about being able to run 10K in less than 30min or jump from the Eiffel tower with a rubber band tied around your waist, I think it's all about how we chose to live, what sort of thoughts, dreams, hopes and desire we keep inside our hidden diamond box, and the courage to follow the inner voice and trusting that IF we do that, everything will be alright no matter what. To stay alert to why we are here and how we can evolve and live in accordance with the source and higher vibrations. It's there alright... (even though many well documented and logical minds eager to convince us about the opposite).

I stood looking at the little bird and even though I couldn't see its small eyes I knew that everything it felt was in that beautiful flight. All its attention, focus and concentration was in that now, in that exact moment of the flow in the wind, on the sky, in front of my eyes and because that is what the little bird is good at; flying.

Maybe that's what we humans are practising here; living?...    

 

I'm all excited..... I actually think I have been quite calm for the last week here but it suddenly changed yesterday. "I'll be on my way again, what will happen this time?!!"

A stranger told me last night that he is in his fourth reincarnation in this life time and I thought; "cooooool!" That's brilliant! Another friend told me a couple of weeks ago (after I haven't heard from him during several months) that he has changed life completely as well. That's awesome!

I guess for me this is my second time. I've always known -ever since I was a child that I wasn't going to stay in my mother country. I can't really explain why but a feeling told me that this wasn't the right place for me. So as soon as I could I left. My father was going on a trip to Spain the next day and I asked him to set me off somewhere in France (I wanted to learn French) and just before 6am a Saturday morning I stood alone next to a French highway... That was it. I didn't speak French -except "je t'aime", "merci" and "voulez vous couchez avec moi" -which is REALLY not something a young girl would say to a Latin stranger. I was with my suitcase and a cotton hat where I've attached a HUGE sunflower (I love sunflowers). Of course I was scared (as I am now) but I felt HAPPY and oh so free. Freer than I have ever felt before. It was Amazing.

I travelled from city to city looking for I don't know what, experiencing, learning, touching and observing. Living. A brilliant lesson was one of the first nights on a Youth Hostel somewhere in Lyon. I was sitting at a round table writing and looking at people... and feeling totally lonely and miserable. I wanted to share and be with my neighbours (I even saw another young person looking just as sad and lonely) but I was afraid, timid and insecure. So ALONE I sat for hours and alone I felt in my heart and body. Later in my bed I made a decision; "never again". Never again I would do that. Never again I would be too afraid of speaking with strangers, connecting, sharing and learning. We all need to learn somehow.

In a couple of hours I'll be gone again. I have been giving away almost all my belongings, books, clothes, things... and what is left now fits into five small brown boxes. That's it. Nothing more and it makes me smile.... We don't really need all those things. I don't and when the day comes where I need kitchen tools, chairs and blankets I'll buy them.

So this time it's happening again, I'm leaving. Almost 13 years after the first time. So many things have happened in those years. Good things, wonderful things. I have felt, learnt, tried, experienced, cried, danced, laughed and lived. Those years are a part of me just like the now and the future. What will happen now?!!

I'm not wearing any sunflower hat this time (though I have a sun jewel attached to my jacket). Maybe I'm a bit more wise now, I've tried more things, met more people and breathed and shared more air but I'm still the same. I'm still feeling my way through everything. I'm still just as playful, naïve, irrational (as somebody told me yesterday!), spontaneous, childish, crazy and oh so unstoppable curious and hungry about everything and everybody.    

I went to a HUGE sand dune yesterday morning at 7am. It was early Sunday morning, it was raining and nobody was there. Only me and my dog. She was happy running and I was happy looking at the incredible ocean, sand dunes and forest. The wind was on my face, I could hear the waves and birds were playing in the sky. I really love that place!

Then my dog ran towards an area with some bushes and small trees and something beautiful made me look at her. Sometimes I can see energy patterns, light and colours around people and things and this time I saw a "bubble" appear around my dog. It made me smile. Then she moved and the "bubble" stayed but then a new bubble immediately turned up where the dog now was busy sniffing. She moved again and again and soon the entire area was FULL of my dog. Amazing. Incredible. She was everywhere! And so are we......... Everywhere we leave, give and share something of us. To everything and everybody. It's marvellous. What are we?

Energy. We are pure energy and light and I'm so happy to be here among you. I'm so happy to be able do experience all those things. We are all together and I love you all so incredible much. Thank you!

I'll be back...