Early Morning Rambling

I woke up the other morning at 5am with a big smile and the knowledge of "I'm back!" I am.... Back..... Where was I? I don't know but after 10 days of coughing, joint aches, physical weakness, lungs feeling bigger than my body and sleeping sleeping sleeping I finally opened up my eyes and even before seeing the world I could feel that something has happened. Nina was back. Her energy isn't quite as before BUT it's getting there alright. I know that she doesn't have to be sick, she doesn't have to feel so darn tired all the time but I guess that's a part of being what we are also; physical beings in a physical world.

I'm happy.

The bubbling is back.... It's just like cooking a stew and sensing its sssssizzling, buzzing and vibrating in all it's wonder and joy. Full of excitement and curiosity. The normal, wonderful and life giving feeling of pure life. Back. Oh I missed it so much. We are what we are in any given moment. Everything is there for us to try and we learn and change when it's time. It's just perfect. Nothing more nothing less.

So now my eyes are open again, I'm back in the gym sweating, I don't need to sleep all the time and instead of bugging and annoying pain my head is spinning full of ideas, thoughts and weird wonderful dreams. As usual.

The "small" things are reappearing as well. The signs, signals, sounds, visions and communication of whatever life force or magic world flowing around our existence. The amazement, wonder and giggling is back on the bench and again I notice things that make me confirm how totally awesome this world is. Like last night... Last night something happened. Something I have done a million times before but I wasn't ready to notice before. I experienced that my body senses moving matter BEFORE I can feel the thermal response.

This is WILD! Maybe it's so simple, well yes I'm sure it is (and it probably has a great scientific explanation) but I just never noticed it before. Its difference is only maybe 1-2 seconds BUT it's THERE and the sensed observation had me going for a couple of hours, thinking how come, why, what, when etc.... Hmmmm.... Isn't it fascinating?!! At least I think it is....  

Small things.... Small everyday routine kissed habitual sequence of repeated steps, a fixed method and procedure through life. All those things.... do we notice them?

The snow is still melting outside. How funny it is that this white puffy thing can turn into some liquid shiny whatever. The sun is behind the clouds and the sky is wearing a silver grayish rainbow coat. I would love it to be warmer but it's not, so I need to put on tons of clothes before going anywhere and I will.... Go.... I'll go to the river, smell the wet grass, touch my tree (he's a BIG guy today!), look at the birds flying in the air and feel the raindrops and wind on my face. I will not stay outside for too long or I'll get cold but long enough to feel and share myself with my surroundings. I don't need much time actually. I know they are always there.

Now almost two weeks after my "stay-in-bed-don't-even-THINK-about-going-out" I'm still coughing, my nose isn't as free as I would love it to be and I still feel a bit exhausted after running up the stairs.... Stamina needs time to recover. Well apparently it does. Why are we so strongly connected to our physical body? Why are things the way they are just because somebody said so? Is it all just one big mass hypnosis, illusion or dream? What IS it all?

Hmmmm.... I'll go for my walk, then to the gym, then back, jump in the shower, get something to eat, do some paper "cultivation" and then bike to my other work. Well the work I still have to do for the next 1 ½ week before I'll FINALLY go back to France. To all the absolutely crazy and wonderful French people not knowing the difference between cottage cheese and fromage blanc. I miss them.... More work. Work is good. Some is. It keeps us going like an engine in an old Bentley. Purrrrr... and there she goes again.... THANK YOU!!!!