I have been flowing IN the middle of Nature for the last many days. Actually ever since I crossed the ocean and arrived to the United States.
I had a personalized "farewell" from Europe just before leaving; I got bitten all over by whatever kind of invisible bugs at the London airport during a cold night of waiting and apparently I created an allergic reaction so I went down with another bad cold and an oooooooooohh so itching witching all over the body. No fun but that's the past and it's almost over now.

I have been enjoying Nature and a true pure connection with animals and our surroundings. I have been watching beautiful stars and the stunning full moon without any interference from annoying street lamps, and been listening to the breath of joyful and relaxed horses without the buzzing of traffic or stressed employees. 

Wonderful. 

My friend Sol is a wonderful photographer and he has taken almost all his pictures at the place I'm now so lucky to experience. You can see some of his amazing pictures here: http://sols.zaadz.com/photos 

Later today I'll be flying again. I have a new place to visit and I feel lucky and blessed. We live, we feel, learn and experience. Life is wonderful and everything is possible. Come what may. xxx

I'm on a small island. Well not THAT small but still not very big. I thought that maybe that was the place for me truly to calm down, relax and enjoy the silence and wonder of life but almost as soon as I arrived I felt that something was not what I expected. I really do love the island; it's beautiful and the fruit and veggies finally have TASTE. The sun rise and sun sets are truly amazing, I love the sound of the frogs and birds, the tropical smell, the soft wind and the lovely "cooool, man!" people.

I enjoy my work here too. I'm writing and the surroundings are perfect for the flow. Now what is it that tells me that I'm not meant to stay here? I don't know.. It's not that I don't WANT to stay here, it's more that I am meant to do MORE things somewhere else. I still got things to do, it's not time for me to "hide" yet. Funny thing...

What is this thing with people feeling trapped in spite of physical freedom? And how come other people feel free and eternal growing in spite of closed and narrow surroundings? Hmmm. What is freedom anyway? We can talk about physical freedom using a straight logical explanation but what is mental freedom, spiritual freedom, psychological freedom? Another one of those feelings you cannot really explain or grab onto no matter how much you try. It's just there. Or it isn't....

I'm happy to be here. I'm happy of experiencing the sweet taste of tropical excitement. Everywhere I look I see beauty and all my senses are full of colours, breezes and papaya. I run in the mornings while the sun is caressing the sky with its first wonderful rays, I do Yoga with the sight of soft waves against the cooled down lava, my food is crunchy and fresh and my fingers work hard on the keyboard writing wonderful words while lizards are keeping me company (and protecting me from the mosquitos!).

How incredible wonderful life is. So beautiful, so simple; so amazingly stunning!

I'm fascinated by the word fascination.... I'm captivated, spellbound, enthralled and completely mesmerized by its charm, excitement and temptation. There is something truly amazing with that word, feeling, experience and idea.

What can leave us open mouthed and enticed by fascination? The excitement of the unknown, the sweet desire of a possible well rewarding challenge, and the hint of the sweet taste and glaze on a delicious carrot cake straight from the oven. What can make us stay struck with wonder, motivation and the deep intense desire of "pushing forward" and to go into the unknown with our heads high and arms open. Come what may. What is the cause to the effect?

Does fascination makes us trust? Trust that this is the right direction, the right thing and feeling. This is it! No more doubt or hesitation but trust....

Do we know what we trust? We are fascinated... do we know exactly what makes us feel that way? "She or he makes me fascinated!" Really? Does fascination comes from somebody outside ourselves or is the person, thing or situation just a trigger to the feeling of inner excitement, curiosity, awe and beguile? Like pearls on a thread, a wave on the ocean and a natural response from a high pressure on the top of the scale. Balance.... 

Is fascination exclusively physical or can it also be used for spiritual development and empowerment? It keeps us focused, our concentration is one-pointed and no abusive thoughts or monkey chatter is jumping around inside our head. Only one thing exists and that's the object of our interest. Past has ceased to exist, the future isn't even an option and the only thing left is the now. Right here, in that moment, time and heart beat.   

Nature wonders make us fascinated. I was at this huge water fall the other day, I looked at the powerful movement and got myself completely hypnotized by the continuously falling water, but then I turned around and did something even more intriguing; I sat down and looked at people, their faces, body language and reactions. Wow. Fascination! What is it?

Is fascination a desire, a desire which we don't necessarily wish to own but we simply have the pleasure and desire to observe and be with? Like a mirror that reflects everything without judgment or doubt and doesn't hungry want to grab on and posses.

Let be, enjoy, and let go. Pheeeeeeewwfft! I love it! That I do know and maybe that's the only important thing to feel, the rest is just game play. Let's all play, laugh, have fun and enjoy life. There are so many things (it only depends on what we put our attention to) and life is truly fascinating. How we are able to live, breath, move, think, feel, smile, kiss, love and exists, to be in all this and even to be aware of it is amazing...

 

I'm experiencing a minor challenge here........ First I thought that it wouldn't be something really to worry about but now it has turned into a bigger dimension than I possible could imagine.

I am being chased......

I'm being seriously harassed by hairy little monsters, buzzing flying creatures that are also crawling, biting, stinging... Tiny freaks chasing me in every existing corner, room, direction, outdoor, indoor and I've turned into a non stop eternal never ending pincushion! Arrrghh!!

A Buddhist Zen friend told me to send them love and understanding so I decided to try his advice and instead of applauding the mosquitoes (hand clapping!) I instead gently waved them away and even told them that they could take a sip of my blood as long as they didn't hurt me or leave any dreaded venom.

That didn't work...

Then I bought some citronella incense but that wasn't enough to keep them away either and after a really unmerciful right-at-sunset attack I went straight to the local supermarket fast determined to buy whatever needed to keep the little darn blood suckers away from my poor aching skin. Unfortunately the only thing I found on the supermarket shelves seemed even worse than the mosquitoes themselves; "risk of allergy, don't use on animals or children, don't get near food or water, rinse your eyes if contact, wash your hands....." Hhmmmmmm it didn't really sound like a very attracting idea to roll myself in for everyday for the next 1 ½ month! At least if I didn't want to get high on chemicals..... So instead I went to the health food store and there I found various essential oils with mosquito repellent and even a soap called "bug-off!"  

Back at home, I washed and sprayed myself from top to toe with the new bought products, sat down with a happy sigh, turned on the computer to answer an e-mail or two and then bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzt! Directly on my right leg. Arrrrrggghhh!!

I jumped up feeling truly frustrated, miserable and horrible feeling of defeat and honest discomfort, and as shiny glaze on the carrot cake; an observing friend sitting in the other corner of the room, sweetly said the words "hmmm Nina, maybe you should just surrender to the bugs, eh?".........

Thoughts like "people who annoy you are our best teachers" and "what triggers your temper is always a great lesson" popped up inside my head but my mouth turned upside down and I yelled, "if you don't have anything better to say then I reeeaally prefer you to BE QUIET!!" (btw he's happy to have me around since then HE doesn't get attacked by the mosquitoes).

Conclusion is that I need to find a solution or my stay on this beautiful island will turn into a buzzing nightmare.

***********************************************

It's now one day after and the bug-off! spray and soap seems to have calmed down my attackers a bit. Furthermore I have now ordered not one, but three Electronic Mosquito Repellers on the net; one for my hat, one to keep around my tummy and one in my shoes, and da da daaaaa I'll soon be transformed into one big vibrating Dane! Ok, it kinda makes me giggle but as long as it works, I'm happy. Life's too short to be bothered by small things like that (even though they are numerous and persistant!)

Funny how things are sometimes.........

 

It's 4.30am and I'm sitting in the dark looking out at the strong rain. Tropical rain. You know that kind of rain carrying this sweet smell and you feel sticky all over but not cold. Do you think that the rain falls randomly?... Or does it follow some kind of system?... Probably a system that we human beings have glued on to try to make it fit what we think it is or could-should-would be....... We love to do things like that.

The rain just falls. Well that's what it seems to do and furthermore it seems to be doing its job quite successfully since it has been raining for hours and not just a little bit but a LOT! Transparent liquid pouring down from the sky watering the Earth, plants and makes the Coqui frogs dance and sing in true joy and happiness. If we don't want to be wet we can just stay inside or use another sort of shelter. Our choice, the rain doesn't seem to care much about our personal opinion anyway so why not choose to stay happy?

I went for a long bike trip yesterday and almost the second after I left the safe inside and was now free under the wonders of the humorous sky, the rain began. I stopped under a tree, looked up and said, "ok it doesn't matter that you'll make me wet as long as you'll dry me as well". And it did.... I had rain and thunder and then wind and even some sun and when I finally was back home after a couple of hours of biking, I was all dry and red cheeked feeling fresh and happily exhausted.

The sky has some kind of reddish flair to it this morning. A chick and sexy dash that makes it flirt with the Earth. I bet it does. Flirt. Maybe the Earth likes to wear different color coats once in a while and to be cool and friendly the sky creates different flavors to suit her sweet taste. And of course other times the Earth colors the sky......... They embrace and they love.

I saw three HUGE turtles the other day, an early quiet morning. Well two big and a smaller one. I have never before seen so big turtles free. They were swimming in circles, minding their own business, sticking their beautiful heads up to breathe once in a while and looking oh so peaceful and true. I sat on the rock next to them for a loooong time and just watched..... A connection was created and I could feel the sensation of gliding under the tempered water, the contact with the loose and hard rocks, the pressure of the stream, the gentle motion of the head, the graceful turns and that they could see and feel me too. I loved them and they loved me back. So easy to love and so amazing.

Everything is so easy when we do it. What make things become so incredible complicated are the thought processes we have before. If we just did things, things which are good for us (which means that they are good for you and me too) then everything would be so much more peaceful.

Have you ever noticed how incredible soft the water looks when it caresses the stones and sand on the beach? It looks like velvet and love..... I guess that's what they do, love. Even when the rain travels down through the air, hard and full of vigor and excitement. For us it looks like the drops are slamming against the waves but for the ocean it must feel like a HUGE tickling game and its enormous laughter will soon be heard and the dolphins and whales jump in joy as overcharged with energy and life.

I feel so lucky. So immensely incredible awesomely GRATEFUL of being able to experience all those things. Life, Love, Laughter, Light -the four L. I was told that one from somebody I love and he's right. That's what everything is made of. So simple.....

 

The energy here is different. Now I understand why some people say that Hawai'i is like being on another planet, why it's so different from the mainland. Now that I'm so lucky to experience it, I can say, Yes, it really is different here.

It's not only the great food, the beautiful flowers, the strong voiced coqui frogs, hot volcanoes, splashing water falls, soft beaches, big turtles and amazing sun rises but also the people. The people here seem so much more sincere. No, they are not more intelligent or even more spiritually developed than others but somehow they all seem to be so much more true to themselves....

When you meet somebody you know exactly how she or he feels because that's not only what the person's body language tells you but that's what they say and do. It's really nice and it makes you become even more true to yourself as well. You naturally become more connected and loving.

Last night I was at a poetry reading. Hawaiian inspired poetry that included Aloha hula dancing lyrics, barefooted long bearded men, beautifully tanned women caressing their curves in colorful sarongs, all different kind of multi material art work on every wall and ceiling, and singing people playing vibrating instruments and joining into the sound of the hot and typical local known beats. Hmmmm... banjos, violins, guitars, drums, percussion, bass and piano...... Happy people, happy rhythm, happy life. The doors were open and the Hilo weather rained down perfectly in tune with the embrace of the music.

We sat on wood chairs and after a while it became too hard to sit still so we left and drove to another joyful place called "the Paradise". And it was. Local people, all looking cool and satisfied about this (rainy) Friday night, cold beers in their hands, and laughing in this precise moment of their lifetime. The Now was filled with beautiful women and smiling men.

I'm a total dance-o-mania and of course I immediately got attracted to the dance floor, and for the next couple of hours the only existing world was the dimension of movement, play, laughter and the sharing of physical joy with an exciting fellow crowd on a shiny dance floor. Everything moved; feet, legs, hips, waist, shoulders, fingers, arms, head..... Playing, feeling, expanding, buzzing, sharing, shaking, laughing, twisting, jumping, singing and living. Everything was there in that single moment. Everything that's worth living for, that makes everything so intense, beautiful and full of desire and transformation. The Flow.

How much more intense everything would be if we just could learn how to really enjoy every single moment we have. If we could live in the moment, feel the experience and learn from whatever thing and situation we are in. The Now of this whatever it is, wherever we are and come what may.

I ended the evening quietly on my couch, eating a delicious papaya, fascinated by its soft meat, orange/red color and sweet strawberry like scent, filling my senses and humming me to sleep. Soon I was happy crawling into bed, comfortable between clean sheets, Polynesian sarong caressing my throat, pillow gentle squeezed against the chest and a happy tired smile on my lips. Wonderful day, wonderful night, wonderful life, Aloha auinapo....

 

What happens when we get attached to things? When we get attached to our peculiar state of mind, our given mood, our feelings or things, ideas and possessions... But even worse is it when we get attached to how we want/think/wish the other person should (could would) behave and be. We somehow expect the person (and our surroundings) to be in a certain way, always, period. No surprises, no confusion, no fear.

Maybe we met our shiny sweetheart in a bar and the swinging surroundings where covered in the embrace of soft tunes (or Oldies Goldie's), everybody all dressed up in sexy and encouraging outfits, cowboy boots and clean jeans, red lipstick, hair gel, and of course a clean shave and the perfect smile go with the rest. A beer in one hand, maybe a cigarette or a spinning hair lock in the other, looking at pretty girls or strong handsome shoulders and letting the entire breeze of the night life caress our mind and bodies.  

That's how we meet, -in that specific state of mind. Now what happens later? The couple is in love, the sex is great, the discovery of each other is even greater and the wave of brain chemicals makes them constantly high on love (with the unavoidable silly grin stuck on the face). What happens when the every day routine comes knocking on the door? The bad hair days, the monthly grumpiness with the corresponding hormonal roller coaster trips, the missing arm pit shave, smelly socks (with holes), demanding colleagues at work, paper bills to be paid, weekly soccer/beer game with the dudes, kids to fetch at school, where are we!?

What happened to the sweet "bar ambiance", this special dreamlike easy going impulsive and fun state of being we had when we met the first time? The excitement of something "NEW". We want it back! "It was so good, then".... "I wish we could turn back time, rewind the tape, have fun, enjoy and discover again".

Attachments.... Living in the past.... And suddenly the present becomes tough.  

Attachment to our Ego, attachment to our thoughts, to how we think the world is, our personal point of view, our mental screen showing us the latest movie of THE perfect world.

"She is use to be like that (so that's how I want her to be now -or maybe I really would like her to be different, but of course she isn't....)" or "I feel safe in this routine". What are we attached to? To something that seems to be stable (even when it creates boredom or pain)?

Stableness is a pretty big illusion....... Sticks in the wheels, volcanic rocks carried around in our shoes, a narrow space dragging us down and WHO does all this? Who is responsible? We are... Us. Nobody else. We are the one who gets attached to the outcome, get attached to the past and what seems like just has been.

Of course we learn from our past, our experiences, our climbs and falls but that's exactly what and where we should be; in the learning. Constantly, never ending, eternal journey of new experiences, an always complete recreation of our thoughts and emotions in every given moment and possible breath. We recreate ourselves (or we get recreated?). That's our flow, that's life. Maybe we should stop thinking and just let it go and start to enjoy the ride?......  

Let's live.